Answer these for me will ya?

If i pray for something real hard, is there anyway to say i'll be granted what i asked for? I promise to pray real hard, even if God's on a temp vacation, i promise he'll hear me... so once he's aware... is it ok to expect he'll grant my wish?

Do songs automatically attach themselves to situations/ people/ places? Is that why some songs bring back a strong rush of memories ... usually a mixed bag of good and bad .... or is this just me being my usual nutty self?

We all have friends that we absolutely love right? Then how come some of us end up loving them and others end up falling IN love with them? What makes the difference? (Chemistry is such a global term .. but is it just that?!)

Are we all destined to find our "calling" in life? Or does it sit in a certain corner, and make your acquaintance only if you stumble upon it as you walk by?

Is the special kinda love reserved for a special few people in this world? The kind where you can wake up every morning knowing how much someone (other than ur folks) values you for who you are and looks forward to hearing your voice and seeing your face? The kind that gives you that wonderful tingle running up and down ur spine? The kind that makes everyone around not jealous, but yes secretly wishing that they were half as lucky? The kind where you have a best friend and a lover bundled in a single package ... Is this kind of love reserved for a few only?

Do our dreams mean something? Esp the kinds we have often? (If anyone says yes, pray explain what all those tigers and lions in my dreams mean!!!)

Do most people feel uncomfortable with uncertainty in the important areas of life? (I've realized a huge insight about myself ... so long as i can find a way to be ok with ALL possible outcomes of an uncertain situation, i can deal with the uncertainty .. takes some time and self explaining .. but happens eventually unless one outcome is an absolute 'NO NO'!) How do normal people come to terms with it? Or atleast find a way to not feel so thrown off by instability/ uncertainty?

Is the 'elusive' always attractive? I was watching an episode from Sex n the City this morning and the part tht stuck in my head was Carrie's immense discomfort with Aidan (am i spelling this right?) being 'too available'. And her intense attraction to Mr Big coz he always felt so unattainable... then there's this part towards the end of the episode where she's managed to actually push Aidan away, turn down an offer to meet his folks and then bumps into Mr Big at this opera thing ... and it all comes rushing back to her ... the emotional frigidity, the inability to commit ... all of the things that while they peeved her when she was in the relationship, now make Mr Big an elusive hence attractive proposition in comparison to the uncomplicated, expressive and loving Aidan. The irony of it, however, is not lost on her and having discovered her pathetic weakness for the unattainable, she rushes back to Aidan determined to defy this crazy internal craving.

The principle of it all seemed so familiar ... everything i cannot have or have too little of always feels like the one thing i just HAVE to have ... is it like that for everyone? Is 'too available' or 'too easily attainable' something that kills the charm for everyone?

I'm ending the pointless midnight ramble here ... but if Einstein ever said we don't use more than a teensy % of our brain cells, then I'm here to prove him wrong!! Admittedly, that brainspace gets spent thinking about the most useless inane things ever, but its the usage that counts, not the intent behind the usage right?? :DD

Oh, and if anyone actually has answers, feel most welcome to answer!!! Muchas appreciated!

Am i talented or wot!!! :D

My 1st work of 'art'. Yeah im a shameless attention seeker who loves showing off the silly trinkets she paints!!! But if ur anyone who can stand this craze .. u probably love me more than fair share .. so feel proud if you can !! :D

That's side 1 and 2 i painted yesterday .. see the beige wooden finish at the bottom? That's the color the entire thing was when i started ... so that's phase 1 after both base coats were applied ... and one side was painted with this awful flowery pattern for lack of anything more creative that my mind could come up with!

And that's phase 2 done !!! Sides 3 and 4 with base coat and painted with less shady patterns :)

I'm gifting them to the person who gifted me the paint brushes .. let him reap as he sowed i say!!! :D

Oh and did I mention .. im shamelessly soliciting compliments/ appreciation/ encouragement :D

What i admire ...

As the 1st brush stroke ive executed in 10 years dries by the window, I'm gonna take a break and put down something else a lot of people got tagged for ... I didn't, but when did I ever wait for a someone to ASK me to say something!!! So here goes ...

I admire...

1. People who can get back on their feet after a setback easily ... this isn't just ur classic, won't show he/ she is going through a tough time, has a brave front to put up to the world and doesn't let anyone in on the utter hell that she's (can i just keep it to 'she's for simplicity's sake?) going through. This is the kind who shrugs setbacks off with a mild wave of 'shit happens, don't let it ruin anymore of your life' and means it not just to the world, but just as honestly to herself as well. I have standard gestation periods depending on whether the setback is personal or professional and try as I might, haven't gotten close to perfecting the mild shrug OR the admirable attitude that accompanies it.

2. People who can articulate their thoughts well, i admit clarity of thought is a prerequisite, but even if you assume that's a given, too many people i know muddle some brilliant thoughts by communicating them badly. This is almost a converse to my "I judge people who suck at words". I don't just admire articulate people, I practically fall in love with them. I'm not kidding!!! Whatever happens to adoloscent girls when they see Brad Pitt and whatever happens to men in general when they see Katrina Kaif/ Vidya Balan/ Salma Hayek (I'm covering all bases here but u get the drift!) happens to me when I read well written prose .. blogs/ personal emails/ news articles and so on .. or even when i hear someone bring out a thought so well you can almost visualize it :) Yeah im a sucker for linguistic brilliance :D

3. People who can speak their mind .. they don't sugar coat, don't care for status quo, love challenging current thinking, care two hoots for what the boss or the MD or the GM even thinks and speak their mind in every forum. They have strong beliefs (not random strong opinions) and they're not afraid to voice them out loud. I love such people esp coz they're so rare. :)

4. People who tell the truth at interviews and on resumes despite the pressure to impress ... I've seen and even turned a blind eye to claims that people make on their resumes/ SOPs/ interview answers. I admire the kind who can walk into an interview and say NO, i havent had a single leadership position .. or NO i didn't top every damn class i went to ... or I'm not sure why I'm doing this MBA, i just think i'd be good at it .. vs the standard, this is what i was born to do, its my passion and i can see my life 5 years ahead from now (Who the hell are we kidding? I can't see my life bleddy 2 months from now!!)

5. Mothers in general ... going through 9 months of labor ... and then making all those decisions on how to bring up another human being and NOT screw up their life ... trying to do justice to personal passions and to the life of another all at once ... giving up SO SO much despite knowing adoloscence will bring ungratefulness, sleepless nights of worrying about bad company and all kinds of stress ... and still functioning as the glue that keeps families together ... i hope to do it all someday and i admire every woman who's done it so far!

6. People who live healthy lives on a consistent ongoing basis ... Nayak is a classic example of this ... my MD is another much touted example .. in general people who respect their bodies and exercise moderation with food and alcohol alike ... who care about how they look enough to know all rice meals can leave you with a disgusting potbelly ... who ensure they get enough fruit and fibre in their food to keep the wrinkles at bay .. who go easy on the tea and coffee to keep their energy up ... who keep up their stamina with regular exercise ... who love their bodies on the inside so it positively glows on the outside ... totally respect their discipline and control :) (Oh and before you smirk and go "BORING" might i suggest you meet Mr Nayak or Mr Yuri? ... they're both interesting and wonderfully charming people unlike the boring dull ascetics you might have imagined them to be)

7. Men who can be open about their affection for the special woman in their lives ... its so refreshing to have a man say something positively glowing about his woman without feeling the need to be apologetic about it or fearing being labeled henpecked ... Enough of the drunken idiots who blither away about how they're sorry they got married or about how being single was so much better ... Enough of the snide remarks about how they're doing things coz they're scared of their better halves ... how tough is it to feel/ believe and say you're doing it coz u feel like? Give me more of those who don't mind admitting they miss their woman, who don't mind calling her 3 times a day, who don't mind getting moony every once in a while ... its all too rare!!!

8. People with musical talent ... vocal OR instrumental ... i just sit and gaze at them filled with unbridled gleeful adoration ... not only are they blessed .. they're doing something beautiful with it and sharing with us all! Bless their souls ...

That's all i can think about for now ... :) the base coat's almost dried and ready to get painted on further ...

I tag the same set of people to write about the people they admire :) Kinks, Vish, Harika, Ketan, Ravi, Nutan, Samesh ...

Who i judge ...

Got tagged by SS to put down categories of people that i judge ... if u know me, ull know this one aint tough :P

So here goes... I judge ...

1. People with a lousy hold over the language they grew up studying ... most people i know studied in English, so that's my biggest crib ... its excusable to shorten words in smses and so on .. but to pronounce 'Opportunity' "oppOrtunity" (u know what i mean!) or make spelling errors in emails or to be unable to string together a grammatically correct series of words in english is to me, totally inexcusable and judgment worthy!

2. Overweight people who wear clothes 2 sizes too small ... tees that show the folds in their back ... skirts that reveal thunder thighs ... tight jeans that make your waist overflow on the sides ... figure hugging party wear that makes you look 19 months pregnant ... sleeveless tops that treat everyone to a view of massive jiggly arms ... i dont judge them for being fat, i judge them for not knowing how to pull it off gracefully ... i know enough and more people who weigh above average and yet look fabulous all the time ... so dont tell me this aint possible!

3. Unkindness for the sake of it ... this is why i never understand ragging ... what pleasure can anyone possibly get out of making someone else squirm in embarrassment in public? How does it add value to anyone's life to make a hapless junior dance to a ridiculous song in front of 20 others? In my world this kinda stuff qualifies as unnecessarily unkind ... just coz u have the power of a mob, to go about asserting your authority is simply cowardice of the highest order. Oft exhibited in the well educated circles that i frequent, its feels simply pathetic! I usually just shut up and walk out of these 'fun' sessions ... but inside im lamenting .. and oh yes! Im judging!!!

4. People who find it beyond them to keep a good house .... this isnt a feminist rant about men ... get that straight! This applies to anyone who feels fine living like a pig ... wet bathroom floors with no bathmats and brown muddy footprints all over ... utensiles piled up in the kitchen sink for over a week ... all sorts of fungi growing right there and flourishing no less! Hair collecting in corners of the living room ... the stench of piled up laundry welcoming you as you walk in the door ... dining tables with remnants of god knows how many dinners that still are uncleaned ... UGH!!!
I can understand if this is a mother of a child struggling without household help ... i DO NOT get 25 year olds who can live like this ... in their world it could be perfectly normal .. in my world ... its shameful ... judgeworthy!

5. People who put objects above people ... they fret over animals ... they carefully tend to the plants in their garden .. and yet they can't find one kind word, one smile to share with the people around them ... where does this misplaced sense of priorities come from?

6. Bankers who crib about how hard they work ... they've made those choices for themselves ... they could just as easily come work where i work, have my lifestyle and be content with the pittance i make ... but they chose the ibanking life .. they chose the big bucks with full cognizance of the invasion of personal time and space it carries along ... so why crib? Be an adult .. shut up and enjoy the moolah as it comes in !!!

7. I judge fanatics .... of any kind ... yes my dear .. india is a wonderful country .. with a wonderful heritage ... but u dont have to carry the national flag around to prove that point ... im exaggerating here, but its so tiring to have people rant about how the city we now live in is drab, dull and all that blah.. while bombay is so full of life and all that blah .. well if u feel so strongly about it .. go live in bombay ... there's tons of people who'd gladly trade places with you ! And yes hinduism is a warm welcoming religion ... but why should that make any other religion any less warm or welcoming??? After all that education if you still are hung up on borders, race and color ... woe be to you!

8. I judge people who make snap judgements on people ... oh she talks aloud and speaks her mind .. surely she's a feminist who will never want to be married ... WTF!!! I've made the mistake myself in the past of judging people too soon ... its such a waste of an opportunity to get to know someone absolutely wonderful .. so i judge anyone who does that now ... pls be warned .. if u stick labels on me after a 10 minute interaction .. ull have a scorned woman to deal with! :P

Surely there's others i judge .. .but im sleepy and tired and completely exhausted from the work and the cooking and the laundry and the .... so ill head off to bed now ... and look forward to kickstarting another day with the calming reverberation of Githams :-)

Oh and i tag Vish, Samesh, Harika, Kinks, Ravi, Nutan and Ketan (Monsieur K) to write about the people they judge! :)

Watta trip!!!!

6 power packed days .. havent had soo much fun in way too long .. :D ... will miss bombay and even delhi badly when i get back to singapore .. bweh .. not looking fwd to it at all :(

At Delhi airport now ... what kind of obsessive blogger gets into an airport and scrounges around for a wireless network .. then FINDS it .. and LOGS on to her blog to write a brief summary of her trip!!! (Yes, yes, im told im this one of a kind namoona, no need to repeat!)

There was the 36 degrees hot Delhi, the meeting almost family type friends after way too long, a 1st ever north indian wedding, a non dancer me dancing to the Sangeet and the Baraat like a woman gone completely berserk, meeting the Madmomma and her adorable kids (yeah that's my pic on her blog - the weekend post with the brat and a barney :D), eating spectacular north indian food after long, meeting parents, shopping for art stuff like paints and sketching pads, a drunken bachelors party for Kunal (if you count 15 tipsy friends in a room singing shady hindi songs mukhdas AND antaras word for word as a bachelor party!!), meeting school friends and the most incredible woman Kavz after a break of 6 months and feeling like we never were apart :) ....

For not just the 1st time, im hating having to go back to Singapore .. for all sorts of reasons ... some specific, some i cant even put my finger on myself ... but for now ill just linger in the memory of one of the best and most awaited vacations that lived upto every expectation i'd set of it (which was practically nil anyway until i landed at Delhi) and look forward to catching up with Harika and Palli and Kinks and going back to a job i really do like atleast for the moment ... doing volunteer work at AWWA, getting back to the library storytelling sessions, singing lessons and painting even if of the most amateurish kinds :) (Yes im becoming a dabbler, whoever thought its a name id give myself someday!)

So long, farewell to everyone who made thevacation as brilliant as it was :) Ill log back in from Singapore tomorrow mundanities of life notwithstanding ... :D

Why the mind always wants what it doesn't have?

Craving the sound .. even noise ..of company on a Sunday morning when alone in a big empty house ... and then craving for the same numbing (now read calming) silence when finally surrounded by the aforementioned noise ....

Weird noh?

Leaving on a Jet Plane ...

All my bags are packed, im ready to go!!!

Ok fine ... not quite so .. the bags are strewn around my little room ... stuff''s lying around waiting to be fitted into one little bag ... and there's toys for the kids im meeting tomm that refuse to fit into anything ... and the saris .. and the slippers ...and the ... (god! i havent behaved like such a 'girl' in ages.. but its my 1st ever north indian wedding so cut me some slack here!) :DDD

And im finally meeting the Madmomma and her adorable kids :) Ive promised to stay put until the kids wake up... and stay put i will .. although i know Kunal will kill me if he reads this :-) Sorry motu.... but will make it in time to ur Sangeet ok!!! Im coming to the reception also .. im allowed to walk in late to the Sangeet! :D

AND AND AND the 1st family of the 2005 batch ... Sohit, Bm, Dush, Kunal, Pa, Ma, Tiny and yours truly .. will finally meet under one roof after 2 full years !!! :DDD Can u blame me if i forget to carry my passport or tickets (crap!!! I seriously havent packed them yet!! I need my moms organizational skills to pull me through this high state of frenzied excitement! :D)

ANDDD meeting mom after 6 whole months :D And seeing Bombay ... and shopping at FabIndia! :D Anddd street food ... and the magic of a long overdue vacation away from Singapore!!!

Im leaving on a Jet Plane!!! (Well its an IC flight but who cares!!!) See ya all Wednesday!! :D

My mum ...

Pains me each time i meet her after a gap of months by telling me how my cheeks have gone from being crests to troughs on my face and how i need to move back in with her so she can feed me and set me back on the path to a 'healthy' shape ... :O

Sad that i only appreciate that feeding on the days that im shivering alone in my wonderful rented condominium, running a 102 temperature, shivering through it all and fantasizing about hot 'molagu' rasam and thick homemade tomato soup ... :-)

Puts me on house arrest everytime i visit home for a few days .. cringes at the thought of me leaving to visit friends outside home and not spending time with her to catch up ... drives me up the wall with her insistence on time that had 'better' be spent with family .. :O

Too bad it only hits me how much i miss her when the walls of an empty house close in on me and the pangs of having been away too long hit me with their vicious force inducing an impulse ticket purchase to Bombay :-)

Sends me shlokas to recite, for peace of mind, for good health, for a good life, for success, to ward off the evil eye and sends me running for the hills each time she talks about her favorite Lord Ganesha and the wonder of seeing an elephant on the road at the precise moment that she needed good luck for a task at hand... shocking me with how traditional she is ... :O

And in the same vein tells me i can choose who i want to spend my life with (color, caste and language notwithstanding), convinces her devout tam bram sister to let her daughter marry a North Indian guy, laments at a 25 year old friend who put up with a husband who beat her up on the 10th day of their married life together instead of walking out on him that very instant... amazing me with how little regard she has for useless biases that passed off as tradition for way too long .. :-)

Is smart, capable, efficient, highly regarded as an asset to her division, induces cheer wherever she goes, is popular with 25 year olds and 55 year olds alike, grew up in mind and spirit with her kids and took all their journeys with them, could've graduated from the best engineering colleges had she had the resources or the support and made it to the top echelons of corporate circles ....
And yet chose to decline promotion after promotion, coz they would mandate transfers away from her children and husband, and disrupt their comfortable lives (the comfort of which she never received any official thanks for jus for the record, no promotions, no recognition, no nothing) and continues to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner every single day and keep in touch with two distant children (one literal, the other figurative)

Wakes up at 5 am, does morning yoga, cooks and cleans before she runs out to her 1 hour journey to work, keeps her train friends entertained with her incredible zest for life and sense of humor, keeps track of all of Mr. Boss' appointments without fail, is there for her sisters and their complicated lives when they need her to be, runs back home, cooks dinner, manages 30 minutes of exercise and an hour of television before she wearily trudges to bed ...
And through all this has the patience to put up with her daughter leading a cushy life far away whining on the phone about her 'issues' and calmly state "don't worry sweetheart, im here for everyone, if u dont tell me about whats bothering you, who will u tell?" ... :-)

If that's not aspirational, i don't know what is ...

You know the wheat from the chaff when ...

You've just had the worst fight of the century with a very dear and old friend. He's hurled his honest opinions at you with all the force he can muster, not to mention the sheer courage (didn't they say friendship isnt an easy thing?) of having to tell you how wrong you are in thinking the way you do. And you've hurled at him accusations of not being supportive, and not understanding what you needed, of being harsh and judgmental. You've ended the already rare online conversation with curt cold words and signed out.

And yet, the only thing you can think of as you lay your head to the pillow is how much you love him for being who is he is to you, and how much you're still looking forward to meeting him and starting off from where the love left off.

(And useless as my friend is, he doesn't read my blogs unless i mail them to him. Ah the pity of it all!)

Saturday mornings ...

(Caution: a JLT post with no particular insights or information. Mostly written coz there's really no one to talk to right now. Feel free to skip.)

- 10 am singapore time ... wake up to a deliriously empty house ...
- As is habit, head straight for the laptop to check email and orkut (what a social phenomenon yes!) .. not sure why though, there's hardly any emails i get apart from warnings to take my pics off orkut and the like!
- Post having established that no one in the world will die without a reply or scrap from me, head out to morning ablutions too sensitive to detail here
- Fix up breakfast of good ol toast, gently reminding myself (for the 137th time in 2 weeks) that the kitchen still needs sooji, vermicilli, poha, ketchup and such other breakfast enabling essentials. Say a silent prayer for the wonderful Rose who put lovely breakfast into my eager Sat morning tummy for the last 1 year :-)
- Browse through Orkut wondering about the people online, what's happening in their lives? Is it worth the bother of mailing them when i haven't even spoken to Shamu in like weeks now? Cut to thoughts of Shamu, how are the people who love her more than i do coping with her sudden absence from their lives? (Before ive sent out any fatal impressions, shes in b school!!) Decide to ditch the emailing for now, tell myself ill do it tomorrow ... or maybe after that... or maybe ...
- Feel incredibly proud of my bro for his term 4 marks ... to be completely discouraged by a sub 60 score in the 1st year and to pull himself up to a 70+ in his second year ... this kid has so much more potential than anyone will ever see :) Remind myself that his kind of success is sweeter than the safe and boring consistency of my erstwhile scores and feel prouder still about what kind of person he's turning into :)
- Get goosebumps at the thought of meeting some incredibly good friends from campus in the next 4 days at Mr Mundra's wedding ... so so thrilled for him and for the chance its giving us all - Dush, Sohit, Bm, Papa, Ma, Tiny and me to meet under a single roof for the 1st time since we left campus :)
- Feel equally kicked about meeting up with the Madmomma at the same time when im in Delhi :DDDDD My 1st ever visit to a blogger friend! :DDD (the ability to vent clearly isn't the only reason i love the blogosphere!)
- Mental note of to do's for weekend: Practice for singing lessons, attend singing lessons, meet a friend for lunch, pick up India tickets, attend to more matters of the self and the house through the evening, send out my overdue draft 1 of WDP (how does my boss put up with me?), pick up Harry Potter tickets for junta here, watch Harry Potter, stock up kitchen, settle accounts for my old house, wrap up last bits of setting up new house before flatmate gets home and flips out at the mess :P, get new pillows that won't have me wake up with a sorrre back every morning, wonder if its worth the trouble to start exercising now or should i wait till i come back from Delhi? Che! so many choices for a little mind to make i tell ya!
- Realize my weekend is probably more packed than i imagined and so shift thoughts to planning next weekend (Ok Kinks, i promise not to plan anymore!!! Dont disown me!).
- Stop planning next weekend :D and decide to give the 'NOW' its due importance as the Art of Living course teaches us to do. (Another post on why i think living in the 'Now' usually just gets you killed or fired and so don't subscribe to the philosophy at all)
- Applaud myself on the pointless post that managed to eat up 30 mins of my Saturday morning and 10 minutes of a hapless reader's time and get down to actually 'doing' vs 'planning'

Cya! Have a wonderful weekend u all ... whether ur in Bombay or Bangalore or Brussels! :-)

Darren Hayes never disappoints ...

Whether I'm right or wrong
There's no phrase that hits
Like an ocean needs the sand
Or a dirty old shoe that fits
And if all the world was perfect
I would only ever want to see your scars
(whatever would make someone say this to another?)
You know they can have their universe
We'll be in the dirt designing stars

Whether I'm up or down
There's no crowd to please
I'm like a faith without a clause to believe in it
And if all the world was smiling
I would only ever want to see your frown
(Seriously ... whatever would ....)
You know they can sail away in sunsets
We'll be right here stranded on the ground
Just happy to be found

I have lost my illusions
I have drowned in your words
I have left my confusion to a cynical world
I am throwing myself at things I don't understand
Discover enlightenment holding your hand
(words fail me .. even me ... :) )

Spent so much time last month lamenting how empty and pointless life is. My inner hero is apparently waiting to fix something very soon, else it'll rot away and fade (or some equally dastardly fatal consqeuence). And look how i found my answer on Sumedha's blog. :-) Have mailed the Singapore junta asking who wants to join, and even if no one does, wtf ... im off to save the world on my own! :D

Sshhhhhhhh .... let me be ..

I've desperately wanted to see the face of this page, this place i usually scribble thoughts into with little regard for who's reading (or secretly judging me from the relative security of their screens). I've craved this interaction with my blog for over 2 weeks now, more than i've craved the company of people, the noises of camarderie with colleagues, the buzzing of my phone with calls and smses ... which is funny considering how in touch i always needed to be with others to simply sustain myself. There was a point i figured id never be able to just be on my own coz the space would scream out and throttle my very existence. Funny that i crave tht very space right now.

And do i know why? Nah .. not really ... although i do suddenly understand what it feels like to suddenly go into anti social mode ... ive never understood it before ... tht completely normal people with perfectly sane normal lives suddenly cut out everyone (even the people they supposedly love most) from their lives and withdraw into a little shell ... maybe its because when the system is plagued by activity overload (read lots of change) this is how it makes time for itself. I can safely say i finally get it ... light has dawned in some sense :)

Then again, maybe its a consequence of time spent in close proximity with guests, as horrid as that sounds. I've been host to 2 people i love the most in the last 2 months, my closest friend and my bro. And wonderful as it was having them around, (i even imagined shedding tears when my little brother left despite having been apart from him for what .. 4 years now?), even the Monica in me admits that being a host is real tiring.

Probably explains why i had such a blast in Chennai last weekend. Being a guest is far easier no? N and V were the ones who had to scramble around making sure i was enjoying .. not to mention G who practically died loooking for the right color and right make of flowers as he had me wait on a busy bylane on a Chennai morning for all of 30 minutes ... ah the guilt of it all .. if any of u is reading .. N or V, G or the wonderful A who ensured he knew what flowers to get me :-) Thanks you guys! A and G probably busy getting engaged right now, and V's on a flight to Europe... but if you guys read this, i owe you one of the best birthdays ive had in yearsss now! :D Love ya all ... (as an aside, Absolut Pear is a MUST TRY!!! :D, Nuts - back me up here!!)

Anyway, im officially done with the moving now ... lugged around boxes and boxes... amidst 9 to 5 all week training, amidst splitting headaches, family emergencies (ah the creative liberty to exaggerate!) and a runny nose .. still don't have a phone connection at home ... stayed the last few days with Palli in her service apartment and had soo soo much fun with her and Mr. Pangal ... Owe the woman big time for the wonderful time i had last week and much more so for putting a basic roof over my head :) Lalsss.... u rock ma! :D

Will start out on officially 'working' on Ariel starting tomorrow. So looking forward to the immense info and 'to do' overload tht im sure i'll be subject to. But totally looking forward to climbing that steep thing they call the learning curve all over again despite the exhaustion and complete lack of time for most other things that it'll bring along.

Home is nice and quiet until the flatmate gets home from her SA tour, the lack of human contact somehow feels ... pleasant, almost a welcome relief ... will probably savor this very unlikely feeling until im ready to go out and meet people, make contact with civilization and usual weekly calls to friends and family back home and here in SG .. until then ... let me be ... :)

Fraud post i agree .. but if u like poetry ... here goes ..

Afterglow by INXS ... the song talks to you .. even if ur not listening ... powerful .. very powerful ..

Caution: Only for the poetic at heart .. and goes without saying, u need a heart first :)

=================================================

Here I am,

Lost in the light of the moon,

That comes through my window.

Bathed in blue,

The walls of my memory divides,

The thorns from the roses.

It's you and the roses.

[CHORUS]

Touch me and I will follow,

In your afterglow.

Heal me from all this sorrow,

As I let you go.

I will find my way

When I see your eyes,

Now I'm living,

In your afterglow.

Here I am,

Lost in the ashes of time,

But who wants tomorrow,

In between,

Longing to hold you again,

I'm caught in your shadow.

I'm losing control.

My mind drifts away,

We only have today.

[CHORUS]

Touch me and I will follow,

In your afterglow.

Heal me from all this sorrow,

As I let you go.

I will find my way,

I will sacrifice,

'Til the blinding day,

When I see your eyes.

Now I'm living,

In your afterglow

[in your afterglow].

When the veils are gone,

As I let you go,

As I let you go.

[CHORUS]

Touch me and I will follow,

In your afterglow.

Heal me from all this sorrow,

As I let you go.

I will find my way

I will sacrifice,

Now I'm living,

In your afterglow.

Bathed in blue,

The walls of my memory divides,

The thorns from the roses.

It's you who is closest.

========================================================

Thanks to the person who sent this to me .. amidst so much else that uve passed along for the last few months :)

One of those .... "what on earth am i doing here" posts ...

Passed on to me by Mr Adrian Manahan ... a copy paste job this, but a very insightful poem nevertheless that most of us can identify with.

======================================================

Tired of weaving dreams too loose for me to wear
Tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air
Tired of getting tired of doing what's required
Is life a mere routine in the greater scheme of things

Through with taking roads someone else designed
Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine
Through with going through one more day - what's new
Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things

REFRAIN 1:
I think I'll follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
I hope to find my place
So my life can fall in place
I know in time I'll find my place
In the greater scheme of things
Each must go his way, but how can I decide
Which path I should take, who will be my guide
I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far
To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things
The road before me bends, I don't know what I'll find
Will I meet a friend or ghosts I left behind
Should I even be surprised that You're with me in disguise
For it's Your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things (REFRAIN 1)

BRIDGE:
For Yours is the voice in my deepest dreams
You are the heart, the very heart
Of the greater scheme of things (REFRAIN 1)

REFRAIN 2:
Why don't we follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
One day we'll find our place
For all things fall in place
For all things have a place
In the greater scheme of things

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Do you ALSO take the people who love you the most for granted???

Cool article a friend passed on ... i totally stand by the author's views. Although close relationships such as inner circle friends, families and spouses are tempting to take for granted as we go along being nicer and politer to the new people we bump across in life, what we rarely realize is how critical it is to provide sustenance even to the oldest and most familiar of relationships ... Read on ...

Decode this ...

Yes, there's exhaustion, but there's also been some of the coolest professional moments in the last month or so .. moving to a new business is exciting to say the least, my brain cells erstwhile feared dead seem to have woken up and are kicked about their 3rd birthday or so :)

There's been loads of shopping and spending time with loved ones. Movies, hitting hot spots in town, eating out and all of tht ...

There's been recognition at work, starting out on new ventures (like a new blog) and singing lessons seem to be going well with me putting in tons of practice before classes ..

And yet the thing that brings the biggest grin to my face each time i think about it is the thought of a 3 year old Mr Orko from my condo this morning, looking at me and screaming my name with delight ... "SUDHAAAAA ... I'm going to school... by bus .. do u wanna come with me??" .. too bad i had to say no coz its the only bus that doesnt take me to my work place .. and i sadly declined ... but he remembered moi name :) Or the thought of the 2 Yr old Mr Ronit who leaves his nanny and fails to notice his dad back from work coz he spotted his cool girlfriend 'Saada' across the lawn :)

Methinks that teaching career idea's been in the oven too long now :) If there's other implications, im too scared to think about them!!! :D Waddaya think???

Exhausted !!!

Having a guest over, no matter how much u love them, and not being on leave, is the shittiest thing u can do to urself and them. If ur guilt prone like i am, it jus makes things worse. To add to it all if ur transitioning from one brand to another and handling deadlines on both, then god bless you. Welcome to my world!!! 9 to 6.30 in office being onboarded and onboarding others in turn.... wondering if my bro's getting thoroughly bored at home without me or a laptop or anything gr8 to do ... then rushing home ... taking him out ... coming home late at nite ... forgive me if ur one of the ppl who've pinged me on gtalk or so and gotten a rude brush off ... im SO TIRED!!!! AARGGGHHH .. i cant wait for next Friday ...

Things the world should never be without ....

Personal favorites, add on through comments if you think i've been dastardly enough to skip something obvious.

- Friends, the special few who bring a big big smile to your face simply through a thought, even from a distance, even across the miles, through the incredible words and moments you've shared with them that have seeped into your very system and will never leave you in your darkest or brightest moments :)

- Family, you can count on them even when you think you're completely and totally alone and lost, they reenter your life, the same people that you believed you didn't appreciate enough and hence had lost, little did you know they were standing around waiting silently for you to need them again, they know you like no one does and they love you more than anyone ever can :)

- Books, especially those with the ability to transport you past your current reality into a magical world that was otherwise deemed unattainable. The world of all things impossible - perfect men, unconditional love and fat free cheese to name a few :)

- Music, the kind that can permeate through the thickest skin, bring to 'tapping point' the most immobile toes, decorate the most inexpressive face with the rare smile, that can bring the best moments of your life flashing through your mind through closed eyes like in a motion picture .. and you can rewind and play and rewind and play as much as you like :)

- Rains, of all kinds, the light drizzle that sends tingles down your spine with its feather like touch, the yet to come shower that holds the clouds at that brilliant gray and the trees at an equally brilliant contrasting green and lets the breeze waft past gently waking up senses that were asleep so far, the heavy downpour that threatens to wash you away with its sheer force and yet leaves you standing having renewed your respect for nature and its power :)

- Chocolates, plain, with nuts, with fruits, with caramel fillings, white and brown and black, that guarantee an instant endorphin rush without having to trudge your weary system uphill on that treadmill :)

- Yellow lamps, that mimic a new sunset in my room every evening, that shed just enough light to illuminate without revealing too much, that like the perfect woman find the right balance between spilling secrets and keeping them, to concoct the ultimate potion of elusive mystery that keeps you captivated forever :)

- Words, the most magical thing of all, seemingly random permutations and combinations of letters that when in the right hands, can convey love or hate, anger or glee, disappointment or jubilation, that sometimes, in writing, can say so much more than phone calls or facial contortions, that can touch the hearts of complete strangers with an intensity rarely fathomed, that can build bridges when used well as much as they can burn them when misused.

And truly, my words make me who I am, especially to you, the reader, sitting across a screen, wherever you are. They paint a picture of me more vivid than the one that even the eyes in my vicinity can see. Simply cause I let you see and whatever I will you to see. Imagine what a power that is :)

On the brink of involvement and detachment ...

I remember someone telling me when they first set out to befriend someone they'd just met, they met with utter rejection. (I'm talking platonic woman woman friendship here, dont start thinking romance). When asked why, the latter explained that she wasn't cut out for friendships that didn't last long or for people such as the former who seemed to flit from person to person, making and shedding friends along the way.

To conclude the story, my protagonists S and P did end up becoming the best of friends (after S explained that her exuberance and exoverted nature didn't mean she was just going to make and shed P as a friend) and it was a happy ending. But the question it leaves behind is how and when in our dealings with people do we know where that line is and when it deserves to be crossed?

You know the line right .. i fancily term it the brink of involvement and detachment. That fine moment when you decide to stop being objective and start getting affected.

With work situations I've rarely faced an issue but I know of people who are genuinely bummed and upset when say an ad doesn't test well, or when shares drop on their brand or when their concept doesn't score a Top something. I love my job, but i don't think I'm involved with it. That choice comes easy.

In friendships, that happens to be the point where you really and truly start to involve yourself in another person's intricate issues and make them part of yours in turn. That choice comes easy to me as well. Friends rarely disappoint. Even when they do, you have the option of cushioning it with the love of other friends. Not to trivialize disappointment over failed friendships, but somehow you're never really putting all your eggs in one basket with friends, if you know what i mean.

And what when you DO put all your eggs in one basket? How do you decide then, when to cross the line?
From being an objective outsider evaluating the situation to taking that leap of faith and getting involved despite the multiple risks involved?
From staying insulated from being hurt and bungee jumping headlong into murky water that can freeze to ice without warning?
From stepping beyond the safety of your curtain as the acquaintance with no strings to the friend who shares joy and pain to the center of somebody's delicate universe?

So many questions in one little head .. and so few answers ... maybe the wisdom of my kind friends is supposed to jump to my rescue right this moment! :D

I feel bluuuuuuueeeeeeeee.... :-(

When in IIMB, we had tests every saturday. After i got back to my room post a mindboggling quiz, which i was usually pretty sure i'd flunk, know what id do to get an instant feeling of achievement and exhilaration? Id CLEAN!!! Id bring in the broom and the mop and clean out my room myself. We had the age old 'bai's to help us, but i liked to keep my room clean myself. A very Monica like trait that, i know! :-) So id sweep, and wipe and mop and clean until my room looked shiny and i looked haggard enough to step in for a shower that was meant to cleanse the remnants of a bad test right out!!! :)

I haven't done that ever since i got here to Singapore coz the temptation was somehow always to outsource the cleaning. Yesterday, although, it felt like too much gunk of all sorts had accumulated in the system in general. So thought id do some cleaning on my own. Enlisted the help of a very able Ms Rose (the household help) of course, and we cleaned out my room together, muchas satisfied i was at the end of it all!!!

And now i have the worst cold in the world!! :( I forgot completely that im allergic to dust, and vigorously rubbed away dust balls from the mattresses and shelves. And in the process gave myself a terrible headache, a swollen and runny nose and a terrible demeanor that threatens to devour anybody who disagrees with anything! :O Im so blue!! :( I want mummy and her hot rasam chaadam with turmeric laced milk and i wanna curl up and sleeepppppp :(

Well, if u know me well, u also know my penchant for drama by now. So excuse my choice of words that indicate im on the brink of death. I'm very ill but ill be fine by end of this week surely. And life is good overall, except for one minor glitch.

I turn 26 at the end of this month. I normally look forward to birthdays with inexplicable enthusiasm coz there's always something to look forward to. This year has jus been a mix of the biggest highs and the worst lows and somewhat of an excess for my system at times. I'm not looking forward to completing the 25th year of my life coz i have too many life goals still hanging incomplete and nowhere close to being achieved. But turn 26 i have to. I've charted out one escape route, im going away on the weekend of my birthday to a city away from Singapore. A simple 2 day trip that's supposed to keep me from getting blue on the eve on my birthday. (To be honest my choice of city couldn't have gotten worse. It carries more baggage than any other!! But 2 incredibly good friends i havent met in way too long live there, and tickets were not too expensive so im going anyway!)

Now here's the thing. I want to be able to make this month seriously exciting and memorable. I have some lead thoughts, but i need help. So im putting out a blanket RFP (Request for Proposals - on ideas NOT on matrimony mind you!) for simple things to do through the month of June so it can all culminate in a great birthday at the end of the month.

Comment away!!! And TIA (Thanks in Advance!)

Errr... emmm ... someone vouch for me!!!

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Honest

Like it or not, your friends are going to hear the truth from you. You know that the truth hurts, but living a life of lies is much worse. So while you're definitely kind and supportive, you don't pull any punches with your friends. Everyone knows where they stand with you. And what you like and dislike about them. While some may be initially turned off by your honesty, your friends have come to consider it a virtue. After all, in world of white lies and deceptive politeness, you can be counted on for honesty and integrity. Your friends need you most when: They need good advice or an intelligent opinion You really can't be friends with: Needy, emotional people Your friendship quote: "True friendship can afford true knowledge. It does not depend on darkness and ignorance."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

And you didn't believe me when I said i have only 5 pairs of shoes!

All i can say is ... shamu .. take this one!!! Lets see if u can beat me!! :)

You Are 8% Girly

Um... you're a guy, right? If not, you're the most boyish girl in the world. And for you, that's probably the ultimate compliment.

How Girly Are You?

Btw, just to be clear, none of my women friends are likely to score any higher, and im proud of that as well!!!

Of random personality tests ...

You can easily conclude by now im a big sucker for these arbit personality test types ... here's the latest!

You are Ocean Blue

You're both warm and practical. You're very driven, but you're also very well rounded. You tend to see both sides to every issue, and people consider you a natural diplomat.

What Color Blue Are You?

Not too off the mark eh! What's yours?

A trip in pictures ....

A picture is worth a 1000 words apparently, so ill shut up and let the pics talk ... :-)

Elmira Heights .... and 2 very very cool women in sepia :D

With 2 women, can shopping be far behind??? The Singapore sale, Ladies and Gentlemen! :D

God's very own canvas, and the paintbrush of my mind :-)

Sunset, water and a lovely breeze....

Partner in crime and responsible caretaker rolled into one, presenting the incredible Nayak :-)

Terrible shaky snap, but a lovely riverside view nevertheless ... :-)

Trust the woman to take random snaps, did you know that dinosaurs were not from the Jurrassic era after all? :-)

She can run, can hide, can even dive, can't escape me though :-) Suicide is illegal woman!!! :P

Some gray, some green and much most happiness induced thus ... anything better than a cloudy evening by the waterfront? I say not!!!

And maybe some more later :)

Had a bad day?

My latest 24 loop song, oh how did i never hear this before!! Check out the youtube video and lyrics here :-)

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Bad Day
Where is the moment we needed the most

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

They tell me your blue skies fade to gray

They tell me your passion's gone away

And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low

You're faking a smile with the coffee you go

You tell me your life's been way off line

You're falling to pieces every time

And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?

The point is they laugh at what you say

And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink

And the whole thing turns out wrong

You might not make it back and you know

That you could be well oh that strong

And I'm not wrong(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most

Oh you and I

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

You've seen what you like

And how does it feel for one more time

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

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Awesome no??? :D

Diamonds are forever?

Linking up to Binu's blog to let people know what a stinky underbelly the diamond business worldwide has.

Changed my mind about getting myself a diamond ring when i read this, simple platinum it is for me!!!

Life comes full circle doesn't it?

Over the last few days a friend Y and I made this interesting observation. That the way i treat Y is very different from the way i treat another friend that i love tremendously, lets call this friend X for the sake of argument (and to simplify my already 'threatening to be complicated' post).

Observation: I treat Y the same way X treated me always. And that Y constantly treats me the same way i treated X. To give an example, Y is so open with displays of affection and so comfortable with expressing love for me, and i was just the same with X. On the other hand, I tend to get overwhlemed by Y's affection and maybe even react undesirably to it by belittling it or sometimes wishing it away, and we noted that X tended to do that to me.

Wait, the engineer in me is protesting to this verbal dilution of simple mathematical logic

In terms of how the reservation with expressiveness flows
X--> Me --> Y

And in terms of how comfort with expressing love flows
Y--> Me --> X

And I can map this out with various values of X and Y. I'm pretty sure that eventually it all cancels out so that the amount we express with 50% of our friends is negated perfectly by how reserved we are with our expression of love with the other 50%.

Conclusion: Life comes full circle.

Note to all: I wish i could claim to temporary insanity when i wrote this post. Unfortunately, my mind works like this even when im perfectly sane. :-) If ur counting urself as lucky to not know me from close quarters, I won't blame you! :-)

Note to Y: I love you anyway. The verbal person that I am, I'm probably just better at expressing in words than in gestures. Words come easier over the phone, so im sorry that i come across as a frigid ass sometimes at close quarters :-) but u have to admit, im a lovable ass nevertheless :D

My inner hero .. apparently ..

For those who know me well, any mentions of "I told you so" won't go down well i promise you!!! :-)


My Inner Hero - Paladin!



I strive to help others, and to bring truth and harmony to the world however I can. Whether times are good or bad, you can always count on me. I'm a shoulder to cry on, a champion for the helpless, and an all around nice person.

Read on .. gets better:
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Your Mission:
You were put on this earth to help others. They will trust you, because they are attracted to your sincerity, your kindness, and your willingness to do what's right. You are the one who has to stand up for the little guy, because everyone else is too busy looking after number one.Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to Fix Something. Something small, or something big. Put a new chain on your brother's bike. Reconcile a family feud. Take a stray cat to the vet to be spayed. Donate blood. Fix a friend's car for free. Fix SOMETHING.
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(I'm thinking I'll start with fixing the leaking tap in my bathroom. No matter what u say, i think saving water is as noble as it gets!! )


Oh this part is so hilarious - completely stinks of the 'Im waiting for my knight in shining armor to come rescue me' sentiment!

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A Warning:
Try to remember: sometimes you need to fight for what you believe in. When someone steps on your rights, or the rights of others, you have to forget being "the nice guy/girl" and set things the way they should be. If necessary, befriend a Warrior and enlist him or her in your cause. Then just turn your Warrior loose and watch the fireworks.

Sometimes you're just going to have to face reality. Because you yourself are trustworthy, you tend to be too trusting. But not everyone is as kind and honest as you are. You may need a Rogue on your side to let you know when you're being hoodwinked, swindled, or made a fool of."
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So apparently im looking for a rogue to save me from the evil in the world that's waiting to engulf me in its nastiness. Any takers? :D


How about you? Click here to find your own inner hero.

URK URK URK

Before any nincompoop asks, that's the sound of complete and utter frustration at how wrong things can go!!!

Tues Wed: Mr Mundra is supp to land up in Singapore to grant us a darshan of his pretty face, he loses his passport. And files an FIR to retrieve it. Oh and lets not forget, cancels his trip!

Thurs Fri: Ms Sharmili is supposed to join me and friends on the much awaited island getaway to Perhantian, Malaysia. 30 minutes before i board the bus to KL, we find out her ECNR isnt coming through and so NO visa happening at KL. She has to come straight to Singapore. ARRRGGHHH!! Yes yes, the point of the trip was meeting her and painting the town red. The point was being with each other after 4 months of a mere 6 hours spent together and before god knows how long considering she's about to start out on an MBA soon (oh and don't even get me started off on what the bloody degree does to perfectly normal people and their priorities) and yes i should be happy she's even landing.

But cmon! I deserve to be able to crib! Its been months since a vacation that i can indulge in the memories of (and happily so). The last was decent, Mumbai with family and friends, but u know how visiting home is never really a 'vacation'. The one before that .. and before that.. and before that ... oh im still trying to do an 'Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind' on those! And the one before was Unmaad 2006!! More than 14 months ago :( Im changing assignments soon, and this is the PERFECT time to take a break, when ive more or less wrapped up prior committments and am yet to take on new ones .. and a vacation wudve been SOOO perfect!!

Am heading out to a sinful dinner with BM to make up for the lousy lousy way things today, and this month and this year in general have turned out. Yes i have faith and all that jazz. Yes yes there's a silver lining somewhere, but right now the darkness of the clouds is just too much to let me see anything ok! So give the optimism a rest and let me crib. (where's kinks when i need a listener the most!, oh wait, he's in MALAYSIA on the same island we were supp to join him at!!!) URK URK URK URK URK and MORE URK!!!

Phew... ok to be perfectly honest, im totally kicked that she's even here tomorrow and im on leave another 5 days :DDDDD But let a woman indulge will ya? :-)

And of great cities ...

This is a post i promised a blogger friend I'd def post. She's a mother of 2 I completely adore and admire. Plug her blog to everyone who's willing to listen. I think most working mothers in P&G now avoid me coz they don't wanna hear anymore plugging of this blog! :P Kidding!! But its so funny that even in my singleton unmarried status at 25, i can so relate to the things she writes about. As i tell my friends when i plug her blog, she has the ability to take the most specific incidents of her life and turn them into incisive discussions that would interest even the non mother population of the world. I bumped into her through another friend (yeah talk about a SMALL world!) and while i spoke to her today also started plugging my other favorite thing - Singapore :) Unlike most others who dismiss me as a fool when i start waxing eloquent about this city, she simply asked me "why so?". I promised her this blog. And i'll deliver on that, regardless of how late it is :)

Why is this a really good city to live in:

Let me admit upfront, Singapore is no fancy city. Its not aspirational. I've heard a hajaar people tell me they'd like to live in NY or London atleast once in their lives. And what's that about anyway? The movies shot there? The books that center around them? Everyone tells me these cities have that 'certain something' about them that you can't possibly put into words. Fine, ill buy the whole, u can quantify everything argument. And ill admit upfront, Singapore has none of that 'undefinable' charm. So why would i go around recommending it so strongly to everyone i know? Lemme list as is tradition :)

1. Its an organized city. Yes, shun me for loving organized things and places. But im not bleddy asking honeymooning couples to come here. Im telling you, its a good city for people with families. Not for adventurers and people with the scuba diving spirit (you know what i mean). Come to SG if u want stability and order, discipline in your life. If you have 2 kids or plan to have them soon. Coz this city will give you the stability and support your life needs thereafter.

2. Public transport rocks. Buses connect the farthest parts of the city. They're airconditioned and comfortable. So are trains. And cabs are cheap. Unlike in London, or any other European city where you'd hesitate to take a cab home, this is a city that makes cabs available even to procterites. And considering how much band 1 and 2 level procterites get paid, thats saying a lot! :)

3. You get domestic help. Ok you can beat me up all you like, but i love getting a warm cooked meal when i get home. I can cook, and not just to save my life. But cooking out of interest gets flushed down the drain when this becomes a daily obligation to yourself as an alternative to slaving in the kitchen, going hungry or eating out every single night. And so the maid steps in. I also like my house to be nice and clean as far as possible. I dig the whole weekly bathroom cleaning, and being able to invite people over without having to think twice about accumulated dishes or mess of any sort. I love getting my morning chai, and getting some breakfast instead of trugding wearily to work everyday. So curse me all you want, but a maid is a luxury i completely enjoy and utilize. I saw my own mother slog away her life between running to work and managing house, cooking 3 square meals a day and end up tired and weary, turning down promotions for our sakes and all that. Im sure she doesnt regret them, im sure it was out of love and didnt feel like 'sacrifice', but id like to believe that i studied like a maniac to ensure i had a comfortable life when i was in my 20s and 30s. And i like being able to get that here in this city.

Now on domestic help itself: For a nominal amount per month you can have a live in maid. (Don't oh please, don't get started on the whole, call them maids or call them co workers or call them queen Elizabeth - i give 2 hoots for nomenclature so dont u start on that!) They're professional, you don't have to feel guilty about treating them bad, coz there's clear rules on whats acceptable and what's not. You can teach them to cook your cuisine and manage the house the way you want. If your not satisfied, say it politely, show them how to do it and it'll likely get done exactly like that without any naatak. If you're a working mom, then you can go to work guilt free coz ur kids will get taken care of. If ur an SAHM (like my blogger friend is), then you get that extra little bit of help with keeping the place spic and span, and getting help with the kids when you need an extra hand. You can focus on the children, and don't have to worry about cleaning the bathrooms and keeping the kitchen roach free. You get what u asked for, a great experience watching your kids grow, vs having to grapple with tons of stuff that tires you out at the end of the day.

4. Its a safe city. I have experience of only 3 cities before this, Bombay, Madras and Bangalore. In all 3, I was advised to have male company when i ventured out late. Here, i take a cab alone at 2 am and i feel safe. U know what it feels like to FEEL safe right? Its not jus about being safe, its that mental state of calm, knowing that you can go and come as you please, you can wear what you want without getting deprived wolf like stares and getting visually undressed by undesirable elements. So yes, its a safe city for women. And for families in general. With very little history of mugging, theft and the like.

5. Its bloody convenient. Of course domestic help is one dimension of convenience, but shopping for groceries is not an ordeal. U can order them online. No - you dont have to do the weekly Mustafa thing. For friends who've lived here for years and still arent using Shivsagar online, please call me tomorrow and take the damn number will ya? Moving on, all bills get paid online. No long queues or month long wait for an electric connection or for fixing a broken pipe. Things move darned quick. And it makes your life simple, esp if u have 3 babies who need your time and attention more.

6. Its close to India. Time diff is 2.5 hrs so u can call ur folks without having to plan the call time a great deal. And they can do the same. Flying to India is quick and convenient. And for those who want their kids to grow up in their formative years around other indian kids, here's a city that gives you enough of that. Many many hubs where indians reside, send their kids to school and the like. You'll never feel away from home. Flying to India and back doesnt cost a bomb, so your family can visit often. And you can do the same.

7. The taxes are really low. Unlike in the UK or ANZ where you blow most of your income paying the government, you get to save a lot of your hard earned money here. The cost of living is usually pretty decent by most payscale standards and lets you save enough. With a currency much stronger than most others, this means you get to invest in properties and equities back home and make good use of your money.

8. Its a small city. I used to think twice before i stepped out in Bombay. Coz my parents could only afford an apartment in the northern suburbs, and every place of academic activity or entertainment was atleast 1.5 hrs and a painful train ride away. Here i dont hesitate to step out and visit friends over the weekend, office is 10 mins walking distance from home. Even in worst case scenarios, people take max 30 mins to commute - makes life much much simpler!

I know people think the city doesn't offer much to do in terms of activity. But for those who look hard enough, there's always something. Mail me seperately with your interests and i can send you links that will keep you occupied even in this 'boring' city. To be succint, there's everything from trekking to hiking, water sports to beach activities, movies and a happening clubbing scene, libraries and cultural centres for the arty types, quiet places and noisy places, drinking spots, temples and churches, and a ton of lovely countries to visit nearby.

Which other city offers all this eh? I'm admittedly a big big fan of Singapore. :-) Shoot me if you like. Or mail me seperately if u wanna know anything else, and ill be happy to help more of my friends move here! :)

So much to write, where do i even begin?

There are times i dont write for long spans of time. Trust me, my default state is one of being swarmed with thoughts. Not silent or melancholy. I ALWAYS have something to say, much to some people's irritation. But i do. So when i dont write, although i call it writers block, its not so much coz i can't think of anything decent to write, or a decent way to write it. Its just that im so overwhelmed with the volume of thoughts flooding through my little mind, that i dont know where to begin. And so begin I don't!

Anyway, a multitude of things i wanted to write about. Most unrelated to the others, so don't go looking for linkages esp. if ur from P&G. Bleddy what a disease procterism sometimes becomes! :P Ill put them in seperate blogs to make life simpler for everyone. Esp the hapless reader :)

Of great bosses ...
2 Examples from my short career in P&G, my 1st ever job. I don't count my experience in Citibank as a job no matter what one says.
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My boss Anand pings me on Sametime this morning regarding something id promised him i'd send him before he reached the Philippines on his biz trip today. I completely forgot in the midst of my multiple deliverables last week. (For those with the patience to read a long story - I did send out the request to the people who even needed the help in the first place, they didnt reply, and my miss was i completely slipped on following up.)

To cut a long story short, when he asked me if we had an answer, i cud only hang my head in shame and say Nope! Slipped! As sweetly as ever, he asked if i cud pull it together by this evening, and i jumped to redeem some of that lost dignity and said can!!

So i spend a good 2 hours this afternoon looking through the data we need, pull together watever the conclusion was and mail it all across very eagerly to Anand. We spoke on the phone after that, probably coz my mail was so full of info that he cudnt really find what he needed and decided to jus call me. This happened twice. I had WAY too much on my mind to be worrying about whether id come across as an inept fool. So i didnt give it another thought. Im normally a sensitive person and all, but after hanging around for 2 yrs, i know better than to beat myself up over small things anymore. So i dont give myself too much grief. But here's what makes the difference between a good boss and a great boss.

After our multiple phone discussions where we basically discuss exactly what id mailed out to him, but had to clarify over the phone (now imagine how badly i mustve written those mails), Anand calls me once more. I pick up the phone thinking, erm, now what! And he goes "Sudha, I know you put a lot of effort into pulling the data together and writing those mails. Its just easier to talk on the phone. Didnt mean to negate or belittle your effort, i hope u understand that. Don't feel bad about it."

My first reaction was :O !!!! I laughed it off on the phone with him, said of course i didn't mind and all. But the gesture seriously touched my heart. I mean, for a boss with hajaar things on his mind to have THAT kind of consideration for just one of his many direct reports (a soon leaving report at that!) is just plain incredible. And Anand is just one of the many wonderful people ive met here at P&G.

I'm touched beyond belief and respect the man more than ever before. :-)

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Story 2:
A little background: My 1st week in P&G. Im this shuddering new hire who's completely terrified of her boss, a certain TA. Now with a name like that, i expected a gladiator like person to appear in front of me. Instead got someone who looked pretty normal, yet acted rather scary. It's T's style haan, dont be fooled by it. He bullies you and scares the crap out of you so you do the very best you can and exceed your own expectations. Equips you to make yourself proud even as you make him proud. More details some other time. (and so much for a LITTLE background!)

Some more background on what makes me quiver thus at the sight or mention of the word boss: An oft repeated story even on my blog, this. But citibank gave me this lovely lady who screamed at the drop of a hat, lost her temper with everything i said and did and felt like a constant fire breathing dragon in my vicinity. I've never been yelled at all my bloody life, not even by my birth parents, and she changed all that. So i came into P&G thinking its normal for bosses to yell at their reports and publicly insult them.

Cut to me sitting at central desk in the P&G office, Olay area, week 1: Te walks up to me. Asks me, tumko standard deviation ka funda pata hai na. As always i bulb a little, (bulbing was standard reaction to whatever Mr Tyrone asked back then, don't ask why!) stammer and say, of course i do. And we get into a discussion on what used to be one of my best subjects in b school. Its a very generic theoretical discussion that T in his classic style is trying to get me to apply to something practical. I jus sat and gaped as he sent fundae my way. Was impressed to say the least. And definetely not scared or insulted at being openly confronted in front of a bunch of people. Coz he never made it feel like interrogation or a question on my ability. His demeanor was so chillax that even the usually sensitive me couldn't fathom being insulted or feeling cornered.

And yet he suddenly stops, looks around, asks me to walk into a huddle room with him (for non P&Gers - a huddle room is a meeting room types, with glass doors so people can see you and know the room is occupied but can't hear you from outside) and i meekly follow him thinking ab kya hua? :S

And T sits me down and goes, "yaar i hope u didnt feel bad that i caught u like that in front of some 10 ppl, intent was not to put u down or anything, i just got so caught up in our discussion i forgot so many ppl were listening. I hope you're not feeling bad or anything."

Now you can imagine what kinda jolt that was to my system, coming from the screaming boss background that i did. I guess, its when i looked up to the sky and thanked God that after all the years of slogging through all that education, i was finally in a place filled with GOOD people.

I was touched beyond belief even back then. It was the start of what you might call hero worship. But when people are so wonderful, they leave you with little option. :)

Test post, test post

Its painful to sit at the table connected to a LAN cord, so am experimenting with the less reliable wireless network, lets see if this post appears. (what keedas i do!)

To my friends,

Esp the ones who expressed worry over the recent posts ive been writing. Just to assure u, im not going insane, not depressed or dying. Here's whats responsible.

1. Been down with a bad cough and the medicines are making my mind and body lethargic. Thinking, talking and even walking is a huge effort. Ive stopped the medicines over the week and will continue over weekend coz i cannot stand to be a superlative bore at work/ with frnds.

2. Ive been in my job for 2 yrs now, and as is typical, am going thru the 2 yr itch. No i dont intend leaving, or even feel like it remotely. I jus miss my frnds in India badddlllyyy and wud love a few days off to catch up with everyone. A few hugs, some rounds of brilliant nostalgic conversation and a cpl of drinks (hic!) would really help right now :) Ill be better soon, as soon as the magical Shamu lands here in 2 weeks and takes my mind out for a spin :) Until then am enduring work and pulling through daily committments as best as i can.

So ill be back to normal, very very soon. Until then be a good friend and put up with the darkness will ya?

P.s: For any Olay person reading this, Thailand shares are rocking right? So dont complain !!! :D

It'll pass ...

My antisocial phase, where there's zero intention to meet people. All id like to do is stay home in bed, read about serial killers indulging in cannibalistic rites (no less) and vacationing psychologists trying to find them amidst mutated spiders and snakes (I know!!! What is with me!) and then drift off to sleep under the influence of cough syrup, and possibly not have to wake up to an alarm.. or not wake up at all for some time.

My no work phase .. where i want to do nothing but stare out the window and think of NOTHING. No growing business (God- pls dont let any of my teammates/ bosses read this!), no solving problems, no analysis, no nothing. Meanwhile the world can pass me by, deadlines should jus finish themselves, people at Olay should assume ive left for Ariel and people on Ariel should assume im still on Olay (:DD - ill be darned if i ever find pull that off!).

My 'im a complete and ridiculous bore' phase: Where ive lost the spark of scintillating conversation, and im resorting to old stories to feel like an interesting person with an interesting life. Normally talking comes so easily, why the sudden block then? Normally i dont have to struggle to find amusing things to say, then why now the sudden temptation to be quiet? Maybe the pointed accusations of speaking too much in the recent and not so recent past are subliminally taking their toll. Or maybe, its that thing amma calls the evil eye (Evil grin :D) Damn damn the quiet people of the world who wish to drag me down with them!

So how? I'll wait for it to pass, like everything else does. Has.

When i was 17 ..

Was a HUGE movie buff. Watched atleast 2 movies each week on Star Movies or HBO, which back then would air some gems amidst the usual trash. But I had the enthu to watch, even if not always the time. Friends and family assumed i was the avid muggoo sitting at home and studying relentlessly, when in fact i devoured movie after movie in breaks that were planned to be 30 mins long and extended as long as it took for the movie to be over!

Still rbbr tht the 1st thing i checked every morning in the Bombay times was the movie sked for the day. Would mentally mark off movies as must see, and plan my study sked accordingly, with enuff buffer to acco the movie :-) Yes im the planned devil incarnate, but i loved movies more than i loved anything else back then, even books!

And the interest kept my mind alive with remembering names, of movies, people who acted in them, famous lines, songs, even the crew! Had names of most actors and actresses on the tip of my tongue, and even after moving to IIMB, the incredible campus LAN gave access to an assorted collection of movies. As friends danced the night away downstairs every fortnight at the infamous L Squares, i sat in my room and devoured more movies! It was a herculean effort what with all the noise, having to shut windows and doors just to be able to hear the damn movie! But i did it anyway, even back then, names and stories were my forte... and sadly 2 yrs of working not only made me lose touch with TV and movie channels, but also numbed my memory for names and events.

Note to self: This is the time and the place to get back to the movie buff u once were! Go on, use that DVD rental facility well! :D

Of plans gone wrong, the 24 loop and sundry others

Yeah, another fancy title for a post that'll be about nothing in particular ...

Plans gone wrong: Just found out that my flatmate would like to live on her own after we move out of this house. Not like its shocking news, it had come up earlier and i did kinda see it coming the last few weeks. Now last yr, about october, i thought i had life figured out, all moves, all directions, and most goals. So house moving was last on my list of priorities. I had that infamous thing they call plans!!! Then i found that infamous thing they call "the best laid plans go terribly wrong sometimes"! :-) And im back to square one .. in so many many ways!!! So net, if u know any young women looking for a clean, tidy, responsible flatmate, you know who to call!

The 24 loop: We all have these songs, we hear them the 1st time and we hear them over and over again. The soft hearted ones have more such songs, the stronger ones have fewer, but we all do. After o saathi re, its been a while since a song really caught my fancy, until yesterday that is! Laaree Chooti is a song from this movie called Ek Chalees ki Local, a song about bombay (argh, none except those born here would understand the anguish and the joy that is bombay!) has been playing on my ipod, and on the comp when the ipod is switched off. Lovvvve the song!! Im trying not to sing along coz the voice is a busted and Saturday has to see me reading to kids at the lib and then impressing my very suspicious singing teacher with my stronghold over sa re ga ma .. (yeah im still there! havent moved in 2 weeks!) so i might as well take super good care of the voice! Until then, u cud sing along ...

"kismat ka khel hai saara

phirta tha main aawaara

yeh kya se kya ho gaya

chaar din ki zindagaani

har pal ek nayi kahaani

kya tha, main kya bana gaya

kya huva jo laaree chhooti

jivan ki gaadi looti

khwaab hai toh mujhko na jaga

zindagi ek pal mein saali

yuun palat gayi hamaari

jhoot hai toh mujhko na bata..."

Looouuing it !!!


And finally,
New places to go, new things to see and explore...

Celebrated 2 years at P&G on the 2nd of May with some awesome news, finally i take on a band 2 role (yes its a subtle way of saying i got promoted!) and with it move to a business very different from my first love, Olay.

Ariel will pose new challenges, a new team to get to know, a new boss, and category dynamics that are radically unlike those on Olay! I'm so looking forward to the experience and thanking my stars now, that i had the bosses i did, the team i did, and that everyone was wonderful and supportive and that the job posed the complexities that it did. Im learning to appreciate stretching the mind beyond its limits and this is the ideal experience to stretch it even further ! :D India ... look out! Here i come!

Naive, am I?

Someone recently told me im terribly naive. And it set me thinking, ME? The one who plans for worst case scenarios, is always prepared as far as possible, unless the plan is to be spontaneous and anticipates responses and situations before hand .. ME? Naive!??!

Now one could argue that it boils down to perspective whether one is naive or not. Cause end of the day, being naive is about knowing or feeling the presence of less negatives/ potential disasters in this world vs another person. And that makes it a relative notion. Still, that dialogue simply set me thinking on why someone would ever qualify me as naive. And here's wat i discovered ..

1. I've come across lesser evil in my tiny sheltered existence. More exposure to experiences increases net exposure to evil as well, and since my experiences were few my exposure to evil was equally rare.

2. I've always had more reason to trust people vs to doubt them. This is cause the people i picked to walk with me through life as friends or more were always good people. In retrospect i can attribute it either to having a good radar on people .. touchwood! or to just being plain blessed. But of course this is limited to when i could make those choices on picking people.

3. In cases where i couldnt really pick people (project mates in high school or b school, colleagues at work, close and extended family), its rare tht ive ever come away with my faith in the goodness of people completely shattered. And that can only be attributed to being blessed/ lucky.

4. I dont know what the future holds for me. I can safely assume my radar on people will continue to function just fine. Admittedly, I dont know if "choiceless" situations will still turn out fine, all i know is this little something that the Bible talks about ... "If God notices, values, and cares about a tiny sparrow, then how much more must God notice, value, and care about us!"

So with that optimistic thought, ill resign to being labelled naive, as the same someone told me, its not necessarily a bad thing!!! :-)

Naivette anyone?

The Walrus, an august duo and yellow lights ...

Well actually the post is simply put, is the meaning of music - 2, just that naming it as i did above makes it sound all cool no?? :)

Anyway .. .moving on with the songs ...

I am the Walrus: Rajeev aka Kinky

Mash's (Marketing club) 1st online game went live during Vista 04, we had a new bunch of Mashians, one of whom was this lanky kid they fondly called Kinky. As is expected with most online events, this one had way too many glitches way too close to the exact time it was supp to go live. And since i was the senior team member in charge, there i was, hanging around the IT experts' room trying to get the damn thing online as close to 9 pm as possible.

No one else from the Junior team was around, although they were all technically on the game team - no one but this chap Kinky. I kept telling him its cool, u can go back, none of ur batchmates r here anyway, ill manage. And he wouldn't budge at all! I kinda felt sorryish for him having to hang around like that with not much to do but wait for the IT chaps to decode some bugs, not that i was doing anything hugely constructive, but still! I took one last shot, said "hey kinky, why dont u go ahd, there's not much either of us can do anyway, im sure u have other places u wanna be at". The kid turns around and looks me in the eye, and with just a mild shrug of impatience says "But its my game too! I want to be around when it goes online .. and i want it to happen well!"

And that's how Kinky officially floored me with his passion for the club, and his utter perseverance with doing a good job of anything he took on. I still rbbr the nites he stayed up devising Brand wars - the official marketing strategy simulation game. He'd ping me through his frustrating nite outs on bracket, citing how pained he was and all tht ... id say well, if ur so pained, just go to sleep!!! Why u killin urself over this game??? And he'd go, hey im just cribbing, be a good listener and let me vent! Dont discourage me from working hard!! And i'd just be like :O and listen! Gradually Kinks and i came to this incredible understanding of each others minds where he knew exactly when i needed just his ear and when i needed his wisdom, and vice versa.

Kinks always thot of the beatles as the "music tht defined the decade" ..one of his all time fav songs was " I am the walrus" ... a song i never quite got! Or even tried! Kinks is like tht i figured, sometimes u have to stop trying to understand coz he jus gets a kick out of being weird and goofy :) Everything about kinks is linked up to the walrus, even now his status msg on his blog and on orkut read something about a walrus. Man i never understood the whole funda, but u say walrus and i think Kinksssss !!! :DDD


O saathi re: Aarthi Sivaraman aka the much mostest godstep level louuuuable gal i 1st met last August!!!

Aarthi Sivaraman, not even someone i know directly and today someone i talk to on an almost daily basis. A friend of a friend of a friends, she stayed over at my place on her way from the US back to Madras last August. We hit it off, partly coz she's just a super fun talkative person with unbelievable amounts of energy and enthu for all things alive and inanimate :), and partly because of some common situations in both our lives at that point. Of the 20 odd hours she stayed home, i think 18 were spent listening to O Saathi re from the recently released Omkaara and sighing about how much it touched the innermost depths of our heart and soul. :) Oh i loved that time Aarthi!!! Ive always wanted to tell you, you know how sometimes we wonder why we met some people, became friends et al? Its coz they bring some other wonderful people along, and leave them behind even if they themselves walk away. And those wonderful people are really who we were supposed to meet and keep for life!!! :D And ur one of those wonderful people who walked in by sheer chance because of tht thing called six degrees of seperation and has stayed in .. u cannot even imagine how excited i was to hear about the whole Yale thing :D wanted to call up everyone connected to u both and tell them how u wr going to be just 2 hours away fm each other ... good luck with everything ma! We'll meet soooon!!! :D

Aahista Aahista: Sainag C aka FPG amidst the yellow lamps in A 315

The story of Sai will be told some other day. Lets just say if i had an inner circle of 10 people, he'd be one of them. Among the few people id trust my life with. Among the few who can read my silence even over a achy breaky ISD call and say "u sound different, something's up na?" and only one apart fm my mom who has the uncanny knack of smsing me with msgs like "Sudha, is everything ok?" at the most accurate times when something is indeed not ok! :) Ah the cosmic connection with him is like few others :)

Anyway, Aug 04, Swades had just released and Sai would often walk up to my room in the evening and ask me if id heard the music ... id usually respond with a bored no ... hadnt hrd .. didnt have enthu to download etc ... and he was like "but there's this song u HAVE to hear baba!!!" .. after 7 attempts or so, one fine day he walked into my room armed with a full bag, plonked himself on the floor, and opened the bag to reveal a Cd player. I gaped at him, "why do we need this when i have a PC!" i asked ... and he just shut me up and made me listen to Aahista Aahista ... hrd once, then hrd again .. then again n again ... then downloaded from the LAN to pc .. and played in loop while we talked about everything under the sun as we always did :) And then on, that was our song ... whenever he was with me, we'd play the same song, over and over again.

And so this mighty peace inducing song with minimal music and soulful lyrics is the song tht reminds me of Sai ... friend philosopher and guide .. through the best and not so best times of my life :)

And more shall follow ...