Sunday, June 17, 2007

On the brink of involvement and detachment ...

I remember someone telling me when they first set out to befriend someone they'd just met, they met with utter rejection. (I'm talking platonic woman woman friendship here, dont start thinking romance). When asked why, the latter explained that she wasn't cut out for friendships that didn't last long or for people such as the former who seemed to flit from person to person, making and shedding friends along the way.

To conclude the story, my protagonists S and P did end up becoming the best of friends (after S explained that her exuberance and exoverted nature didn't mean she was just going to make and shed P as a friend) and it was a happy ending. But the question it leaves behind is how and when in our dealings with people do we know where that line is and when it deserves to be crossed?

You know the line right .. i fancily term it the brink of involvement and detachment. That fine moment when you decide to stop being objective and start getting affected.

With work situations I've rarely faced an issue but I know of people who are genuinely bummed and upset when say an ad doesn't test well, or when shares drop on their brand or when their concept doesn't score a Top something. I love my job, but i don't think I'm involved with it. That choice comes easy.

In friendships, that happens to be the point where you really and truly start to involve yourself in another person's intricate issues and make them part of yours in turn. That choice comes easy to me as well. Friends rarely disappoint. Even when they do, you have the option of cushioning it with the love of other friends. Not to trivialize disappointment over failed friendships, but somehow you're never really putting all your eggs in one basket with friends, if you know what i mean.

And what when you DO put all your eggs in one basket? How do you decide then, when to cross the line?
From being an objective outsider evaluating the situation to taking that leap of faith and getting involved despite the multiple risks involved?
From staying insulated from being hurt and bungee jumping headlong into murky water that can freeze to ice without warning?
From stepping beyond the safety of your curtain as the acquaintance with no strings to the friend who shares joy and pain to the center of somebody's delicate universe?

So many questions in one little head .. and so few answers ... maybe the wisdom of my kind friends is supposed to jump to my rescue right this moment! :D


shiv said...

what do u mean by putting all eggs in 1 basket? that can happen either if

a) u talking of a group of frends where failing isnt an option cos u have none others

b) u mean some1 who is more than just a frend - so its critical to work out

unpredictable said...

shiv: usually a doesnt happen to ppl who've been thru various institutions and locations coz they kinda diversify their friendships ... so yes .. b .. something with potential to become more than just a friendship ..

Sharmili said...

S and P sound so familiar...

Comin to the main point - I always believe one should refrain from putting all eggs in One Basket - in relations more than friendship too... In fact this is the very reason y friendships are not as strenous as relationships! You might do this as a part of obligation, love, duty, nature, commitment or any other emotion BUT if the other person is not of the same nature RESULTS WUD ALWAYS BE DISAPPOINTING!!

The best approach therefore (and I am not sure how impplementable this is) is to keep gradually increasing the count of eggs (figuratively of course) as the proximity, faith and comfort factor increases...