Monday, October 29, 2007

More questions ...

Are most of us destined to go through utter and total shit before we can attain what's most important to us? Or is it that the things that are toughest to attain end up feeling like the most important just coz they're unattainable?

Do you realize that you can only have somebody's heart and soul if you welcome their sadness just as much as you love their happiness? I hope you understand that when you didn't hear about their pain, it wasn't coz the pain wasn't there, it was coz YOU weren't really there ...

Does karma work within specific spheres of life - like if I help you progress in your career, it'll come back to me only as progress in mine, or could it possibly come back in any other form? Is there even Karma or am I deluding myself? (Though like S once told me, knowing it doesn't exist wouldn't in any way change who we are and what we do, I do hope that's true)

Deciding not to feel angry at someone takes a whole lot of will power. It took less will to stay up nights and study while fighting the monster called sleep, less will than to put up with inanity and malice with tolerance. How does one let go and not let anger find its target? Does the balloon trick really work?

At the end of the day, all said and done, all ties and relations considered, we come alone and go alone right? Then why is it that the things we get most worked up about are related to the people in our lives? Love, death, happiness, illness, pride and jealousy and their kin ...

With the 7 basic notes and their high and lower pitch variants put together, would you have imagined there's enough permutations and combinations to make unrepetitive music for eons to come? So when you and I are born again, not only can we hear Rafi, the Beatles and Pink Floyd, there'll be a gazillion other tunes to keep the mind dazed and ecstatic. Imagine :D Can't wait to be born again, can ya? Join the club! :-)

If you knew this was the last day of your life, what would you do? Who would you call? Apologies, expressions of love unexpressed before, confessions to clear your conscience, new places to visit, old friends to catch up with ... what else would be on the list? Why then are you on that couch watching TV and pushing the little gnawing to do's inside your mind further back into your mind, when you could be LIVING your life right now, exactly the way u'd always dreamt, with the people you'd dreamt you'd live it with? What on earth is important enough to be holding you back?

Why, why, why am I such a curious child, Dear God? Do you realize there's people I've driven up the wall with this habit? People I've driven away? People I'd have liked to have in my life but couldn't hold to my thread of questioning? Did you have a plan with this way you made me? Now's your chance to reveal it, if ever. I'm waiting for the proverbial 'light', kindly note.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Time for some more awarding :)

Its been a few days since Mahogany sent this my way. Time now to stand up take a bow, say thanks to him and everyone else who visits here making me a legit 'schmooze'r coz in Mahogany's words, here's how schmooze is explained...

"With a little help from Google I traced the origin of the Power-of-Schmooze award to Miguel. He's an artist/cartoonist/blogger who lives in New York state. He created the award to recognize bloggers who got noticed, built a reputation, and made new friends."

He does go on to say some rather kind things about my blog, for that and for this award, a BIG THANKS Mahogany!!! I'm touched beyond belief, and true to my word, am finally here to pass this on to the people I think deserve the title in turn. :-)

I pass this award on to those people who started out with blogs read by friends/ family and the like, but have made newer friends amongst their visitors/readers in the blog world. (THAT's what I've always loved most about blogging, award or no award) and these bloggers do it effortlessly :-)

Kusum and Chandni: For so many of the people who visit your blog with increasing regularity and frequency (yours truly being one of them) without so much as knowing you, i admire how you write and how it enables the connections you've made with complete strangers :-)

Broom: I don't know if its the nature of your stories or the way you write them, but you're a true blue schmoozer for the kind of support you've invoked amongst so many strangers :-)

Penguin: Ahem. Let me not go into the 'connections' you've been making on the blogworld. On a serious note though, I think your blog has tremendous schmooze potential tomorrow, despite its infancy today. :-)

With these people, its never the same set of friends/ visitors who love the stories, its a world beyond, and I'm happy to be part of that world :)

Here's to you guys, schmooze on! :D And while you're at it, pass it along!

I'm reeling ..

Not from the bump on the head, no! That's fine now and after having whined to Penguin last night about how i'm scared I might not wake up in the morning (yeah, they don't call me Drama Queen for nothing!) the head hasn't bothered me so far. Looks like I will live after all.

[Side note: A very trusted friend who's fantastic with seeing the future and all told me I'd die when my life was fairly precious to me. I did visit the thought yesterday for one bit to evaluate if my current life state would qualify. Answer was nope! :-) Another thing that gave me confidence I wouldn't drop dead overnight :D ]

I AM reeling however, from this stupid Neoearth thing I've subscribed to. (Btw, why the hell is my sidebar suddenly at the bottom of the page? Some geek type software whiz help!!! No, I don't qualify!)

Anyway, this earth thing keeps moving and by the time I track which exact city/ country the yellow dot coincides with, its gone. I've been trying for a while to place some locations and have consequently acquired a headache and some giddiness (no delight there!). Need to change this to normal neoearth soon. For now, I run to the airport to drop off mom who leaves for India in 20 mins.

Until then, go look at the neoearth counter and share in the giddy feeling, will ya?

Friday, October 26, 2007

As if I wasn't crazy enough already...

S and I were cleaning out the team shelves this morning coz we're moving to a different floor next week. Super-Klutz that I am, I hit my head hard againt a jutting open door of the top shelf as I stood up after picking up something. Its not a deep gash, just a scratch with very little bleeding that stopped soon after. But it left a bump and some notions of nausea. And perhaps tampered with my already demented mind.

You would imagine THAT if nothing else would get me some sympathy from my wonderful friends. Ahem. Not quite.

Excerpts from remarks made by same wonderful friends:
N: (responding to my statement that I hit my head against a shelf and it bled). Whoa! I didn't know shelves at P&G bleed! Strong woman!

R: (in response to me pointing to the bump on my head) Teeheee! You're like Tom and Jerry with those bumps on their heads that jut out like 'POING' (makes the poing sound for added effect). Now all we need to do is hammer it back in like Jerry does to Tom.


In the spirit of leveraging the situation AND getting my revenge, can I claim temporary insanity for physical injuries inflicted on others, just for today?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Boulevard of broken dreams

For best effect, hear as you read
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's only me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
Brilliant no? How do people write like this? AND then make music of it!

Lose control? Not really!

The only thing I hate more than (insert the thing I hate most here, Im not sure yet what / who this is) is relinquishing control. Relinquish is such a nice word no? It actually manages to potray the illusion of being in control of the 'giving up of control' process! Who am I kidding. I hate losing control. (Yes, yes, new kids on the block, that's what they call a control freak, no need to wonder!)

My most loved area of work within my functional responsibilities is something I'll call S for the sake of keeping P&G's work anonymity intact. S is the kind of work that involves everything I like doing - working closely with consumer related data, getting into analytics like factor analysis and making sense of consumer choices. All my love goes for a huge toss however, when i have to outsource this piece of work to someone else.

To have them run it through an obscure software where I can only see the input and output and not the internal system , then to depend on THEM for every single follow up question to be answered when i could easily have proved/ disproved the hypothesis myself if it had only been a software that wasn't so friggin exclusive in nature, and then to WAIT until they get back to me to form a new set of questions. GAH!

(As you can observe - Move on F&*%, GAH is here to stay.)


Its what 7.15 am? Yeah. 7.15 am! I've been awake since 6 am i think. Rattling doors and a switch being turned ON and OFF, ON and OFF (what WAS that anyway?) have kept me awake and blessed me with the chance to start pondering life (and if i would be able to sleep again) since early this morning.

Oh yeah, long day at work yest and then the usual entertaining in the evening. I just thank N and S for taking the pressure off me - the pressure of hosting and pleasant conversation, you know what I mean?

I'm so tired. Seriously. Why does it feel like SO MUCH TROUBLE to host? I'm sick of hearing the criticism and the comments on EVERY SINGLE THING. I woke up berating myself for the limited patience and that i'd make up for it in the next 3 days. Hah! Fat chance!

I'f you're planning tell me to chill / relax, please to take the advice and shove it up you know where. You have to be in my shoes to even begin to understand.

There's SO much to say I don't know where to start. So I won't. (Deep breath, deep breath and let it all out in one big GAH!)

Sunday, October 21, 2007


GAH GAH and more GAH.

i type the foll with my left hand coz ... oh do you REALLY wanna hear the whining again about the hurting right one? ... and the of the 2 ppl id really want to talk to, 1 just fell asleep and the other seemingly hasnt woken up.

So i dont hinge a lot on the men in my life, but WHERE ARE THE WOMEN WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST???

And my dormant vile temper has to make its appearance just when i have guests visiting.

:(((( :'(((((( :(((((((


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Insights into the hurting hand...

I write this post with a speed I would normally say "Thooo" to. This unexpected, yet necessary action follows from R's brilliant theory on why my hands hurt so much at the end of every week.

Conversation in bus on way home:
Me: *Having complained ALL evening of heightened pain in the hand* The pain is throbbing in a very scary kinda way. I'm quite scared :-(

R: What did doc say?

Me: See *this* nerve leading from the forearm to elbow? Doc said I've angered it.

R: Angered as in can only be appeased by dancing around bonfire on a full moon night?

Me: Angered as in .. (oh forget it... not getting any real sympathy from this boy!)

R: Ok ok ... don't get all angry ... let me think ...*looks out of bus with intense pondering expression on face while I'm contemplating how life without blogging will look*

R: I know what it is!

Me: What what is?

R: The anger.

Me: !!!!

R: You know what your problem is?

Me: That you change topics effortlessly and confuse the crap outta me on a Friday night?

R: *Sighing at my inability to grasp profundity of his wisdom and the seemingly apparent logical linkage between his random sounding statements*

R: Your problem is - you type as fast as you think

*Lets me munch over this for a while*

Me: *not making any progress on the logical linkage as you can very well see. He must have seen it too*

R: The problem *implied "You poor naive ingorant Unpred" to be inserted here* is not that you type a LOT, its that you type too FAST.

Me: *implied "Oh wise master" to be inserted here* And how do you conclude that?

R: *Now wearing full on professor expression* See my hand *mimics typing motions with his hand* See how the movement of the thumb affects that nerve, so when your movement here is really fast *speed of mimicing motions assumes alarming speed* the nerve is seriously pissed. Hence it hurts. Net recommendation: Don't stop blogging. Just stop typing FAST. Its quite stupid. *For added effect so the advice sinks in*

Me: *All sorts of Graham Bell devices going ON inside my brain* OHHHH. YAY! Ok i'll try tomorrow then. This typing slow thing.

R: *Full givvvvuuuup happening* Can't you NOT blog for 2 days? Just stay away from the laptop OK? Or i'll take it home with me.

Me: Gasp! *Sulking and on cusp of whining* FINE. I promise. I won't blog over weekend. Promise. Just don't take it away from me ok? *Sad pleading expression on face*

R: Good. Very good. Go entertain your mom over the weekend and REST the hand!

Before you say anything, give me SOME credit, atleast i'm breaking my promise SLOWLY. :D

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Short short .. i promise!

I do solemnly vow to keep this post short. (Coz my hands are acting up ettagain!). But 2 of my fav ppl came over to dinner tonight to eat Paella that they missed last night. In addition there was
- self made near perfect bruschetta (mastery being developed in Penguin's absence, she's in Manila slogging her butt off as I post and cook away)
- asparagus sauteed with baby corn in sweetened soy sauce
- bread croutons moistened with tomato and mint gravy
on the side .. coz was afraid the Paella wouldn't suffice. And a good meal was had by all. :-) Esp by N as you can see from almost demented happy expression on his face :D

(Pls note: N was not ASKED to collect the dishes and keep them like a lost treasure next to himself. He did it on his own accord. We think it might be food induced temporary dementia, but with him, you never really know!)

On a related (!!?? how !!!) note, what I totally LOVE about these 2 is how well they know forgotten hindi songs from our childhood days. Everything from the "Ek Chidiya Anek Chidiya" song to "Atushree Mahabharata Katha" comes waltzing back into the room when I'm with them. :-) In keeping with tradition, we you tubed the Mahabharata opening song and not only found it, but also sang along with violent glee :)

Louuuuittt when i find mad people like myself in the world to rejoice over the itsy bitsiest crazy experiences :D

And Sha is the bestest mostest astonishing Bong woman ever! I mean, to tell me to play 'Vaseegara' (the tam version of Zara Zara) coz it sounds so much better than its hindi cousin, then to play Sandai Kozhi instead of its hindi sister 'Kabhi Neem Neem' from Yuva and finally request for a song from Kannathil Muthamital I haven't even heard myself!!!

I officially LOU this woman!!! :D

And my mom gets here in 2 DAYS! :D

And my very good pal V is back from his week long absence in Europe :D

And my visa got approved for my Nov trip - I leave in 2 weeks !!! :DDDD (I'll post the where only when I get there. Enough of jinxing my own luck for one year!)

And I had fruit juice AND ice cream tonight. :S

(Note to self: Its just a sugar high - PHEW!)

Ok, ok. ... I'm off to rest the hand and the system.Good night (yaaaawwwwwwwwwwwn) everyone!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Music, food and broken bones ...

My carnatic vocal lessons started in May 2007 (despite original plan to start in May 2006, but has it really been a WHOLE YEAR!) and I'm so happy to announce that I'm officially done with phase 1 aka 'Githams' (Penguin, if this is factually incorrect, be a darling as always and DON'T correct me, im in the clouds and i really don't wanna crash land onto reality!) and phasing into Varnams slowly.

Sadly, with a lot of travel and the much awaited holiday season coming up in the next 2 months, classes will be suspended until I rejoin in Feb 08. But until then, a big hurrah to having completed 6 months of vocal training, something that had stayed on the 'to do before i die' list for WAY too long! :D

Practice shall continue with the wonderful Penguin crooning along (and leading in most cases, her expertise on carnatic vocals having been established decades before mine even kickstarted) and substituting for my 50 something teacher in the meantime :)

Tired of cooking same-old-Indian khaana and stubbornly refusing to settle for anything less than exotic, today just had to be uber-special in the kitchen.

Inspired by Penguin (what isn't nowadays!) and many many mentions of Spain in the last 2 days (apparently some training college for my old business team is happening in Barcelona and junta's flown to Spain for that .. some ppl have ALL the luck bleddy!) and inspired by my last successful foray into foreign cuisine (Pasta and Bruschetta, remember?), today was when I ventured further North in Europe in my culinary adventures and dug up a recipe for Spanish Paella.

Dug up recipe, and cooked to boot! :D Simmered in tangy tomato and bell pepper broth, in a base of sauteed onions and garlic, garnished with lemon and mint, here, here ... I present to you ... Spanish Paella!!!

Cool no? :D Now all those who declined my invite for dinner this evening (You know who you are!) pls to feel TERRIBLE at having missed THAT. It tasted a zillion times better than it looks. :-) Nyahnyahnyah loserrssss! :D

Broken bones:
Not literally. But seriously, every limb in my tiny (FINE, my 5' 8" giant self! Happy?!) being hurts like mad.

(I'm sending this link to my mom so she can feel proud of my cooking and all, but guess what's the one thing she'll remember and fret and instantly call me about?!)

Amma's potential 3rd degree notwithstanding, possible hypothesis on how this achy breaky situation might have happened:
1. Sporadic running. Not warming up properly? (not true, not true!). Getting back to it after too long breaks sometimes.
2. Not gymming properly? Lifting weights in ways that not only lessen fat but also grotesquely twist muscles all wrong! :(
3. Body massage that the self was subject to 2 weeks ago. Maybe, just maybe, one of the many many cracks I heard was a legit bone breaking :(
4. Amateurish feeling foot massage that I got done at the art exhibition a week ago. But can a bad foot massage affect everything from the bottom of my neck to the tip of my finger? Someone pls to enlighten my ignorant soul!

I put my money on 3/4 (obviously coz i get to blame someone ELSE!). Any vishesh tippani (special tips) from my beloved reader?

So if you see me squirming in the next few days, it MAY be coz ur pissing me off really bad (lets not rule that out too soon!), but more likely its coz im hurting all over and going ooh aah ouch under my breath!

I'm off to another night of sedated sleep and potentially another morning of waking up with creaky joints. Good night and hope ur having better luck! :)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Pasta and Bruschetta - made to order !!!

I'll admit the pasta may have been my 'same-old'ish idea, but the uber-cool 1st principle bruschetta was Penguin's idea AND execution, with exotic herbs, garlic paste, butter and olive oil thrown in for effect.

Both turned out SO SO good, I'll just leave a pic to say it all :)

Watta dinner! :D

Engliss is a phunny lenguage you say?

Sensitive post coming up again. I'll get lynched after this one for real. I'm serious. I'm hence putting up a disclaimer before I commence.

The views in this post are mine and mine alone. You may think I'm shallow, petty or judgmental based on the post. And I'm perfectly ok with all of those labels. But I'm not extending the scope of my opinions to anyone beyond myself. My style will stay questioning, but you do not have to agree with what I'm saying. Just think about it and chew on the thoughts in your head.

Pls to very kindly note all the above at the very outset.

Imagine you're listening to a speech. Intended to be power packed and inspiring. Intended to send a thrill down your spine and get you abuzz with excitement.

Now imagine the same smattered with grammatical errors, space fillers or incorrect usage of words. We all know grammatical errors. Those don't need explaining. Space fillers would be anything in the vicinity of "Ummmmmmmmmmm", "You know", "Errrrrrr", "So" and the like repeatedly inserted where they simply do not belong. Incorrect usage in spoken communication would be "Testimonial" used instead of "Testament" and the like. Incorrect usage in written communication would be "Compliment" used instead of "Complement".

You get the drift?

How do you feel after reading the above? If you're a grammar nazi like me, you're cringing deep down inside at how the language is being abused. More than anything, you're lamenting the loss of great content to poor delivery.

I'm not saying I'm holding people at fault for speaking in poor english. Understandably, not everyone had access to English education or books when they were young. Admittedly, some children grew up in more "English friendly" environments than others. Some were lucky to pick it up from family and friends while others had to struggle and look outside to grasp the language that would eventually become an essential part of their daily life.

I'm saying, I simply cannot seem to get over judging poor delivery. Errors in usage irk me no end. Even the best of speeches loses its charm for me coz i find incorrect English so distracting. It becomes a monumental effort to stay focused on the message when my subconscious is correcting the person as he / she talks. Which is my loss at the end of the day I guess.

But that brings me to my key question (as it does in every blog post!)

Should we as a generation hone our childrens' English speaking abilities considering it could be a driver to their success? Don't jump the gun on the answer yet. Think about it for a while.

Didn't your batchmates with fluent English speaking skills usually find it easier to crack interviews? Didn't you find that they sometimes (only sometimes, mind you!) got away with not so great content simply coz their style and delivery was impeccable, impressive even?

Don't you find that its easier at work to communicate with people who can grasp this language well? Their thoughts as well as your own, even in the midst of arguments, become easier understood simply coz they're better articulated.

Doesn't it become easier, in an increasingly cosmopolitan and globally seamless environment to have a spouse or parent who can speak in English to be able to connect with your circles?

All things being equal: Intelligence, Content and Charisma, if you had to choose between someone with flawless delivery and someone who made constant language errors as they spoke, wouldn't you be inclined to find the former more engaging?

And the simplest measure, in your day to day interactions, don't you find that people who are extremely comfortable with the language can breeze in and out of topics effortlessly, expressing themselves articulately, in the process eliciting approving nods?

I do. I find myself mesmerized by good speakers. That's not to say I can't see through fakes. They're pretty easy to spot. But I find myself being terribly impressed and connecting very very well to people who have:

1. Clarity of thought (assuming the willingness and ability to think!)
2. The ability to translate that thought into expression in a language that's familiar to me (English is the most common given the social and work environments I operate in)

Am I hopelessly shallow? Maybe I am. But I write this judgment evoking post here in the blogosphere coz I know its filled with others who love the language and nurture it through their own writing. Is this "shallowness" necessary baggage for someone who loves the language as I do? Or should I dismiss it as a personal flaw? A consequence of being harsh and non understanding of others' backgrounds?

And more importantly, do you think the idea has merit? Encouraging our children to pick up English much better with the cognizance that it will be the language of the future and that an advantage in expressing themselves in this language will give them that tiny, yet essential edge to make a great impression wherever they go?

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Have you wondered ..

How despite being in a room full of people, you can feel silent, empty and on your own (lonely is too negative a term). How none of the banter, jokes or well meant conversation make you feel like you belong there. And how with some other people, even the longest silences can make you feel at peace, at home.

How sometimes, the harder you work at something, the worse you make matters. How sometimes you can run as fast as you bloody well want, but it won't make one bit of a difference coz ur not the only one who controls the outcome? How in the midst of all your professional success and achievement, this inability to make progress can still make you feel like such a top class loser.

How sometimes you click and become friends with the most unlikely people. They walked past you every single day of another life and yet you never saw them. They were right there, and yet you looked past them like you look past clean unblemished glass. And today, they've carved a place for themselves in your heart and soul simply by being who they are. Today having them around is like having the comfort you've craved for a very long time. How wonderful to have the chance to discover such people, later than never.

How some people can find it them to love you beyond belief. Despite the shit you put them through. Case in point - family. Esp mothers.
What on earth gives them the strength to have put up with the snot and the potty and the nursing while we were babies, and the arguments and clashes in points of view as we grew up and then the distance and isolation - real and figurative as we moved away. And to still love us and heal us through the worst lows and to rejoice with us in the tiniest highs, what makes them love us as they do?
Moms and good friends. And in some of your cases, better halves. Have you thought about how blessed you are to have all those people to love you? :)

How much appreciation matters? Do you comprehend the power it wields?
- A friend told me about how his girlfriend blends so beautifully into his circle of friends and how much he appreciates her for it. She keeps in touch with us all, knows all our stories. (She just cooked for a bunch of the 10 of us this evening.) Phew! Do you know what kinda effort that entails? And hence how much love it might come from?
- Another tells me about how her b school going bf never brings work home on weekends so he can have exclusive time with her. Apparently makes time between class breaks to call her and ask her about her day. Hmm .. where does tht kinda motivation come from amidst back breaking skeds and back to back lectures through the day?
- Another has a gf who left a settled well paying job and moved jobs and a country to be with him. Wait, that's 2 men I know. I can only hope they understand what kinda life change that is for the women in question.

So, to come back to the question, do you ever think about the things a previously unknown person today does for you simply out of love?

To plan your birthdays. To painstakingly arrange for little surprises. To put down how they feel about you on email/ paper when you've heard it many times before. To go through your resume when you're in the midst of applying to jobs. To listen to how crappy your day was. To hear your stories they're not a part of. And to enjoy them and try to become a part of your life even across a distance.

Its true that it may not be tough, it may not take sweat and blood of them. But do understand that they have the choice to NOT do any of those million things. They do it out of love. And you bloody well better appreciate it. The human heart although blessed in its ability is no bottomless pit! It can't sustain itself purely on its own unreciprocated goodness. Appreciation - as tough as it may seem, is the fuel that keeps that fire going.

Do you realize how much appreciation matters? Do you appreciate the people in your life enough? Do understand that if you don't, its your loss, not theirs. With their kinda ability to love, if not you, they'll find another person to appreciate them. It'll be your loss, end of the day. Don't let it be. :)

As Nuts puts it, do wonder a little more. Its more likely that you'll end up wondering more about the things that matter to you than those that don't. Maybe that'll be a good estimate of how you rank the people and things in your life today :)

For those who plan on giving me grief about typing with a bad hand, go right ahead. But I figured after 18 hours of sleep and another 10 hours of no typing, this much I slack could cut myself.

Health Updates...

Since can't sms / mail (hand hurts more when I type esp on small keypads) back to very concerned messages/ mails I've been getting from friends, am posting common update, will direct ur queries to this place for a reply for the next few days :-)

Pehle to, thanks for the smses and mails. Rk, V, SS, Bm and Sha etc. And million thanks to Penguin who knows how I hate going to the doc alone, so spent half her to be exiciting Saturday sitting with me at the doc's. True love is this eh? :-) For this, Penguin, any wish you cite, shall be granted. :D

And health updates:
A severe bout of allergic cold is the worstest thing to happen to my excited system. Runny nose, sneezing, red eyes, tired muscles .. ugh! After prescribed dose of medicines last afty, I slept off at 3.30 pm and woke up NOW at 9.30 am. 18 full hours of sleep! Yes, I do feel much better :-)

Hand doc wasn't around yest, so will go tomm. Until then I'm undergoing a forced seperation (feels like a divorce more :( ) from sms and typing on the laptop. So if i don't reply to sms, mails, orkut msgs etc pls to understand that I still lou u all, just tht i lou my hand a wee bit more. :)

Adios till next update!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Laga Chunari Mein Daag...

Let me keep this short and sweet.

Kunal Kapoor = YUMMY

*Be still my beating heart*

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Shmucky ...

Hand swollen. Not surprising. The part behind the palm hurting bad. Amongst others. Weird bad day. (N, thanks for not asking questions and carrying on like nothing had happened). Weird bad time. Hope its over soon.

Promise to see a doc finally. This weekend is IT. For the cold and the back and the shoulder and the hand. Most imp the hand. Cannot imagine not being able to write :-( My horcrux, as I told someone once, is this space where I write. My passion. My love. At some level, an identity in itself, although its scary to give anyone or anything that kinda power. (But then, a blog can't possibly let you down). Urk. What a dark pathetic post this has turned into.

Anyway, won't be writing here a while. So much to say. Elsewhere, but.

Before i leave for a few days, here's a poem the wonderful Mogambo gifted me for my birthday.

I thank all who have loved me in their hearts,
With thanks and love from mine.
Deep thanks to all
Who paused a little near the prison-wall
To hear my music in its louder parts
Ere they went onward, each one to the mart's
Or temple's occupation, beyond call.

But thou, who, in my voice's sink and fall
When the sob took it, thy divinest Art's
Own instrument didst drop down at thy foot
To harken what I said between my tears,
Instruct me how to thank thee! Oh, to shoot
My soul's full meaning into future years,
That they should lend it utterance, and salute
Love that endures, from life that disappears!

I pass this on to the people I love. Have loved. In any way. In any context. In any time and place....this, a borrowed piece of art that one friend sent my way and I send yours.

Ciao everyone! I'm seriously and freakishly scared. So pls to pray that my hand is fine soon and there's no bad news.


Is the current sentiment here. Shoulder is doing what they call a "Tandav Naach" wreaking absolute havoc on my system. Its a normal occurrence here in Unpred land. But its painful while it lasts. OUCH!!!

Oh also the cold. How can I leave out my darling cold? How, how can I deprive it of precious blog space? The thing that sneakily waits around the corner right until I want to do my favorite activities (cycle at beach/ blog/ go to movie with friends etc) and creeps up on me unannounced and sends me into my patented "Series of 12 AACCHHHOOOOSSS"! If you thought I was one of a kind, you weren't mistaken. No one else I know can sneeze 12 times in a row. If you can, then pls to let me know I have soul ... ermmm ... nose brothers and sisters around the world.

Ah anyway, let me not shy away from highlight of the day. The cooking keeda bit once again at 7 pm this evening while at work. Found the ever ready to come over and dine Nayak lurking in one corner of the floor and coerced him into coming home by name dropping dishes like aloo palak and peas pulao. (Eh well, it wasn't so much coercion as him getting free food and coming over willingly, but you guessed right, I happen to LIKE DRAMA!)

I ended up cooking an anagram of the above - i.e. Aloo Mutter and Palak Pulao. Am going to proudly (More like shamelessly you say?) display here wonderful pics of wonderful dinner. Those who declined my warm invitation (Read Sid and Penguin) pls to feel terrible cause it tastes much better than it looks! (Let me point out, I cooked and Nayak took the photos - therein lies the difference!).

Amidst all this was embedded a COB (close of business in P&G parlance) deadline from a friend to check his Saali's resume/ form for her internships which i started with as a formality and then realized how im hopelessly manic about words and their interplay only when my hurting wrist (OUCCCHHHH!!) signalled for me to stop editing the answers!!!

Anyway, all that is done and wrapped up and finisssed and closed and to end (FINALLY!) on a happy note, i'm leaving you with pics of the food that was cooked. And tomorrow I'll hopefully post about something more meaningful than aches and food. My life's much more interesting I swear (more like desperately hope, but wth!)

Pls to be seeing and applauding the strewn with cashews Palak Pulao!

And then to stop squinting and start appreciating this badly taken pic of the mostest wonderful Aloo Mutter! (Nayak you $^%^#^@!!!! Isko photo kehte hain???!)

A very good night .. OUCH .. to you all!!! :-)

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Wat a ...

Wat a Monday .. passed by in a blur ... Sunday evening was spent sneezing like nobody's business (Yes, I have an ongoing undefined relationship with allergies) and looking like I was ready to die any minute. Slept at a record 9.30 pm and apparently blabbered complete gibberish over the phone to the 2 people who called me post that time, got 10 full hours of sleep and still woke up feeling dopey!! That's a record in itself (admittedly induced by the anti allergens, but wth, I get some credit!) .. but to my dismay the sedating effect of my reliable anti histamines lasted a little longer than expected - through ALL of the working Monday!!

My stoned expression was simply precious, esp through my afternoon meeting where I think I startled the boss with some terrible CP. S, if ur reading, I was on sedatives (reminiscent of Ross and Rachel's "We were on a break"! innit?) and I'm sorry!

And wat a Monday evening, I've never been on the phone that long even while at work ! Couldn't get any running done although really wanted to. Couldn't blog although I really wanted to. Another friend, a regular on this blog, gave me the 3rd degree over why I'm not blogging, and all i could hope was that its a GOOD sign that i'm not yet putting online pages and running tracks over real people and conversations!

I DID have something to write about last evening, a real topic that often does cartwheels in my little brain and bugs me no end. But I'll do that this evening.

For now just wanted to note that the 2 highest comment earning posts I've ever written were the one below this one (Marriage and the involved expectations) and another one on conversations written sometime in March. Likely coz both revolve around issues very close to most people's hearts. It's delightful to have comments pour in 4 ..even 5 days after the post is put up. But not to worry, I won't give in to the temptation and start primarily focusing on issues like tht. (Not like its in my control - my own mind possessing a mind of its own and all!) So the next post has nothing to do with relationships, Ok FINE! Very little to do with personal relationships... more to do with work relationships and the like.

Have a great day! Cya tomorrow! :-) And thanks everyone who dropped in page long comments on the last post, I appreciate ur views on the subject tremendously! :)

Thursday, October 04, 2007

What's with the pressure?

This is a very sensitive topic. To me. To many people I know. Heck, to most people I know! - Marriage. And what we expect out of it.

I've wondered for almost 2 weeks now if I can write about the topic with enough sensitivity and objectivity. If putting it up here is a huge violation of my own privacy in some way. If airing my views on the topic makes me vulnerable to unnecessary judgment by readers, known and unknown. And then I realized, despite everything I potray about how much I care about the opinions and feelings of other people, there still rests inside me a person who doesn't hesitate once in a rare while to emphatically state "I don't care!!". And apart from making me somewhat proud, it also lets me write the kind of things I'm about to. On my public blog.

Btw, why marriage?
Coz its that life stage. Coz its that age. Coz most people in that lifestage at that age are around me and talking about it. Coz their momentary discussions trigger off in my head a series of long arguments with the self on the issue, making it much more complex than when it started out.

And what about it?
I've come to wonder. Don't we place too much pressure on the concept? As a result of having evolved to where we are now, to the point where so many of us can claim to be 'discovering' ourselves, our passions and views, somewhere we've begun to expect that a marriage will bring the fulfilment that our multiple activities and relationships do. Is that fair?

To expect that a spouse will be as good a listener as your best friend?
To expect that they would be great at advice on work related issues as colleagues and bosses?
To expect that they can support you with maturity and grace like your parents did?
To expect that they can find time for you, like your friends lucky enough to not be I bankers?
To expect that they can hold your interest through endless conversations, much akin to those few friends you have great conversational chemistry with?
To expect that they'd be cool enough to take out and socialize with your current circle?
To expect that they'd chip in with their share of housework like your best flatmate?

To expect all that and a little more.

Is it fair? Is it normal? I'm sure most people find a way to love/ find happiness/ both with a person even without ticks on all of the above. I'm sure that even if its not easy, people don't walk out on marriages. They try. And they learn.

But the para before last IS the aspirational list right? How terribly impossible esp for people who have trouble reconciling their expectations with reality! And hence how unfair for a potential partner to have to live up to! How unfair an expectation to peg onto an institution.

Coz that's what marriage is at the end of the day right? An institution. After all, marriages aren't supposed to replace everything and everyone else in your life. They're supposed to enhance the value of most people and things that already exist. They're supposed to (look there I go again ... making a list of obligations for marriage to fulfill!) be a simple uncomplicated way to ensure we don't live our lives alone. They're just a way of ensuring that we have someone to count on as we grow old.

But with lives like ours, in times like today, it's tough to just be content with that much, innit? Think about it. When you have a fabulous life as a single person, unless marrying someone makes a phenomenal positive difference to your life, why would you? And why should you? When you find everything within yourself to give you your happiness, why should you have to 'settle' for something just to ensure you have someone to come home to?

I think the argument is that you might have all of this today, but as time goes by, and more people around you either 'find love' or 'settle' for something close to it, you'll no longer have friends and peers to enjoy that fab single life with. And as many many wise elders have tried to persuade us into believing, you'll be too old to 'find love' or even 'settle' for something close :-)

Which is why so many people my age are struggling to find the middle ground between perfection and reality. Coz none of us know the answer. And despite all our so called self discovery, we don't really know ourselves well enough to know what we really want to make of our lives. OR marriage.

Its my most confusing, unstructured post so far. Simply because I'm unable to find a way to logically figure out this issue in my own head. A tiny voice says that with the right person, all of the above, all the random ranting and questioning goes out the window. But the booming voice (the one that rules for now anyway) says analyse, analyse!!! And so I do.

If u feel tempted to rip apart the style (which admittedly sucks) then pls don't give in to it. I'm not looking for comments on how badly written this is. I know already. If you have clear rational answers to my questions, now THAT's something I'd appreciate :)

Died and gone to heaven ...

More culinary celebrations in this house early in the morning.

- Flatmate makes hot cuppa chai (bless her soul, this is a daily thing!)

- Unpred makes semiya upma with the extra 10 mins tht she borrowed from sleep.
Today is already "sampanna" (accomplished and fulfilled - for those who don't understand Hindi)!

*Sigh and some other sounds of bliss as she saunters off to prepare for a workday*

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Food .. lots of it ...

For some strange reason, whenever there's a cooking session in my house where anything more exotic than chai is made (which btw, is every single bleddy day!) I make a little mental note to put it down on this blog. Why I want to tell a bunch of friends (blogger and otherwise) what I've cooked, I know not, but tell I will! Think of it as boastings of culinary expertise, think of it as getting back into the blogging groove. (For that matter, think anything you want, its your mind after all!) But if you like food, and are hungry right now, I really suggest you skip this post. If not, read on I say ...

Cooking adventures from last 2 weeks:
- Last Saturday: Spunks and Kinks were invited home and Palli and I cooked. Scrumptious fare of Lemon Rice, Coconut rice, Vatthakozhambu (HAH! All you idiots who called me a fraud tam, take THAT! I even used a Z!) and Palli's classic Aloo curry.

(Spunks' moaning sounds were slisha testimony to how good the food was. Apparently I also made sounds praising own-cooked food. But that's normal for me. Bleddy, why wait for someone else to praise what you know is brilliant!)

- Thurs before that: Beans + Potato curry with coconut. This has to be seen to be believed. But then seeing is not happening coz i had to delete the pic from camera to make space for messages (yes i still put messages from live people over posting random pics on blog, i'm still human, even if i say so myself!). So you'll just have to believe. Light sauteed beans with tender boiled aloo in a lightly spiced dry coconut base ... heaven!!!

- This Thurs nite: Rava upma. I've screwed up upma so many times in this city over the last year, its not even funny. Let me pls clarify before you think im a blithering idiot. It isn't ME! Its the damn rava! For some reason the varying quality of rava ensures that the rava: water ratio is invariably too high or too low so i end up eating either a slimy gooey mishmash that resembles cerelac or sandy granules of unchewable dry rava.

But this time. This time was different. In my own words, (for the lack of any others'!) I cracked it! :D

- Fri evening: Bread Upma. (C'mon Nayak, vouch for this.) Wasn't the bread just the right combo of crisp and moist? Wasn't the salt absolutely PURRFECT! Wasn't the sauteed onions + tomato base delightfully light yet imparting the most wonderful texture to the upma? And the filter coffee! AHA!!

(Note: No sounds were made this time, my sound making makes me the victim of several corny shady jokes around my bschool friends. Snorting and mmmmming and sounds in or away from their vicinity are hence generally avoided)

- Last Monday: Aloo parathas. 1st principle. Meaning right from kneading of dough to mashing of potatoes to making of parathas. All done by Wonderwoman Palli. Thunderous applause shall get you invitation to next paratha dinner session, so pls to oblige!

(P: Wonderwoman is making me want to crack orre bad joke from yesterday, but I shall resist on a public forum! :D)

- Yesterday: Simmbbbull fare of Dal and Sabzee with rotis. But aha oho aha! Suchaa wonderful Dal it was with ginger, garlic and the secret ingredient (a lump of jaggery) for the perfect aftertaste! As they say in Tamil (the kind i don't speak normally) it was a Pramaaadam! :D

Wherefrom is coming all this enthu to cook all of a sudden you ask? Damned if I know. All I can say is sneak in an invitation and be the inspiration to more culinary adventures! :D We (P and I) promise to not disappoint! :D

Inspiration comes in all forms no?

Haven't blogged in 4 ... maybe 5 days now. No excuses. Ok, maybe SOME excuses. Busy slisha. Tired slisha. Sohit visiting slisha. Palli over for dinner, palli househunting trip and so on and so forth. Many many slishas.

But lots of inspiration. Blogger friends msging to ask if i'm ok. (Awfully nice of you :) am ok now) Friends orkutting and scrap leaving saying woman, stop raising our expectations and then vanishing like this. (Fine fine V, sorreeeee!)


Mostest inspiring message to be found in one liner email from Palli this afternoon.

"Why you not blogging man? This is verry unacceptable behaviour. Bleddy phool. "

It IS true. Inspiration comes in ALL forms.

Oh, I'm back and all that :)

Monday, October 01, 2007


The Rocking Girl Blogger award! My 1st ever award on the blogosphere :)

Rockin 'Girl' comes at just about the time when I've started to wonder if i've crossed the age where I can be called a 'girl' anymore :D And as the MM says, a party is only as good as the crowd that visits, so to Mogambo, Penguin, Bm, Ketan, Ravi, SS and all the others who visit here and fill my mornings with comment based emails and keep me going with this blogging thing, THANKS!!! :) Lurker or not, you have my regards :)

Btw, this one comes as a tag from SS, one of my fav bloggers and someone who feels utterly familiar despite the fact that we've never met! Thanks SS! :D

Now, to pass on the award to other rocking women bloggers, here's awarding

- Penguin (a wonderful friend and amazing woman, her kinda cheer is truly infectious, having transformed even grumpy ol me)

- Hilarious Y aka Yashodhara (Seriously, your sense of humor is just the way i love it, straight faced with oodles of sarcasm)

- Broom (The blogosphere respects you for your courage, for doing all you have, and then writing about it, so do I)

Just for the record, I'd have loved to tag SS and the MadMomma with this one, but they've both already been recipients of the award. But consider yourselves awarded even if not tagged, ladies! You rock, tag or no tag!

Ah .. wat a wonderful start to the week :)

Edited to add:
Chandni, I wrongly assumed you were on MM's tag list ... since you're not taken already, here's tagging you with the award as well! :) Your posts are thought provoking and hilarious in equal parts and the link on my blog to urs (despite ZERO acquaintance) is testimony to this :)

Further edited to add: High level cute comment from my mom on seeing this post - "I saw, wonderful! At this age I feel like calling myself a girl, why not you when you ARE a girl!" TOO CUTE my mom is :D (and after all this, I hope she can leave a comment .. MA? You listening?)