How despite being in a room full of people, you can feel silent, empty and on your own (lonely is too negative a term). How none of the banter, jokes or well meant conversation make you feel like you belong there. And how with some other people, even the longest silences can make you feel at peace, at home.
How sometimes, the harder you work at something, the worse you make matters. How sometimes you can run as fast as you bloody well want, but it won't make one bit of a difference coz ur not the only one who controls the outcome? How in the midst of all your professional success and achievement, this inability to make progress can still make you feel like such a top class loser.
How sometimes you click and become friends with the most unlikely people. They walked past you every single day of another life and yet you never saw them. They were right there, and yet you looked past them like you look past clean unblemished glass. And today, they've carved a place for themselves in your heart and soul simply by being who they are. Today having them around is like having the comfort you've craved for a very long time. How wonderful to have the chance to discover such people, later than never.
How some people can find it them to love you beyond belief. Despite the shit you put them through. Case in point - family. Esp mothers.
What on earth gives them the strength to have put up with the snot and the potty and the nursing while we were babies, and the arguments and clashes in points of view as we grew up and then the distance and isolation - real and figurative as we moved away. And to still love us and heal us through the worst lows and to rejoice with us in the tiniest highs, what makes them love us as they do?
Moms and good friends. And in some of your cases, better halves. Have you thought about how blessed you are to have all those people to love you? :)
How much appreciation matters? Do you comprehend the power it wields?
- A friend told me about how his girlfriend blends so beautifully into his circle of friends and how much he appreciates her for it. She keeps in touch with us all, knows all our stories. (She just cooked for a bunch of the 10 of us this evening.) Phew! Do you know what kinda effort that entails? And hence how much love it might come from?
- Another tells me about how her b school going bf never brings work home on weekends so he can have exclusive time with her. Apparently makes time between class breaks to call her and ask her about her day. Hmm .. where does tht kinda motivation come from amidst back breaking skeds and back to back lectures through the day?
- Another has a gf who left a settled well paying job and moved jobs and a country to be with him. Wait, that's 2 men I know. I can only hope they understand what kinda life change that is for the women in question.
So, to come back to the question, do you ever think about the things a previously unknown person today does for you simply out of love?
To plan your birthdays. To painstakingly arrange for little surprises. To put down how they feel about you on email/ paper when you've heard it many times before. To go through your resume when you're in the midst of applying to jobs. To listen to how crappy your day was. To hear your stories they're not a part of. And to enjoy them and try to become a part of your life even across a distance.
Its true that it may not be tough, it may not take sweat and blood of them. But do understand that they have the choice to NOT do any of those million things. They do it out of love. And you bloody well better appreciate it. The human heart although blessed in its ability is no bottomless pit! It can't sustain itself purely on its own unreciprocated goodness. Appreciation - as tough as it may seem, is the fuel that keeps that fire going.
Do you realize how much appreciation matters? Do you appreciate the people in your life enough? Do understand that if you don't, its your loss, not theirs. With their kinda ability to love, if not you, they'll find another person to appreciate them. It'll be your loss, end of the day. Don't let it be. :)
As Nuts puts it, do wonder a little more. Its more likely that you'll end up wondering more about the things that matter to you than those that don't. Maybe that'll be a good estimate of how you rank the people and things in your life today :)
For those who plan on giving me grief about typing with a bad hand, go right ahead. But I figured after 18 hours of sleep and another 10 hours of no typing, this much I slack could cut myself.