Dreams ...

My boss tells me if I don't pick up on how poorly I'm doing, I can pack my bags and leave, thanks very much ... I tell her I expected no less of myself, thanks very much in turn! (When I told her this, she went "Dammit, u mean I DON't get to tell you that first?" Fine! Fine! She has a sense of humor!)

My GM walks towards me purposefully in the corridor and demands to know "Where's that analysis your team promised me 2 years back" while I'm thinking "Boss: Just a small detail, I wasn't on your team 2 years ago!" and "Oh I'm so screwed" and telling him "You'll have it next week" all at once .......

My mum and I take a trip to a country I've already visited and sit in a stupid train that passes right by a classroom (yes, say it with me - STUPID!). My eyes zoom in and lock onto someone I know from a while ago and I'm stuck for a reaction as to WHY all this is happening! More importantly, why are we spending good money visiting a country I've already seen!

Another colleague and I are stuck in a building suddenly attacked by a terrorist group and even as we seek refuge in the nearest flat, my kid brother's friends aren't as lucky and get picked up and taken away ... (Of course I wake up scared out of my wits and realize its too early to call mom and check on S .. and too demented sounding to check on his friends)
---------------------------------------------------------------------

All of those in a single night. And the weird thing is except for the last one, I can actually trace a logical link with each one to my current reality. (despite that, the only one I DID act on was the 4th one, called my mom to casually see how bro's doing - 'slogging over his exams and relishing his newfound obsession with coffee', she tells me, 'early signs of aging and caffeine addiction beat being whisked off by terrorists anyday!' I retort to no one in particular...)

This freaky thing with dreams happens often. Hopefully not just to me. The things that are most important/ worry causing/ happiness/ excitement inducing at any point in time tend to occupy my dreamspace. And if it's undesirable kinda space, it takes a good deal of work in my conscious mind to eliminate their evil shadow in my subconscious mind. Hard work, as if the deadlines aren't taxing/vexing enough.

Does it happen to you? Do your dreams sound and look eerily close to some contorted version of your own reality and freak you out? Does deja vu for you sometimes have its origins in dream sequences? Importantly, is there a book out there that helps understand why we have the dreams we do? Tell me about it, will ya?

Life's like an hour glass stuck to the table ..

Brilliant lyrics here ... the bold portion more than any other, rest just for context...utter brilliance! I couldn't have put it this well ever! Here's the song to hear along
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason'

Cause you can't jump the track,
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, now.

So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

- Anna Nalick, Breathe (Lyrics)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just realized - 2

Mediocrity is a word so many of us avoid with a vengeance, yes? And why so? For the same reason that we all push ourselves beyond limits, sometimes, to the very point of breakdown.

Cause at the end of the day,
Ordinary = not good enough = failure
Not ordinary = better than the rest = success.

And admittedly, it takes courage to move past mediocrity into the land of "better than the rest".

Walking out of a comfy relationship when you think you think you deserve more than the few morsels of someone's attention and time that you currently get by on ...
Taking an exam that 10^5 students in the country take and only 800 can pass, despite being well aware of the odds ...
Taking up that offbeat profession with no contacts, no godfathers, no nothing to help you shine while everyone else you know is still walking the cushy foreign degree road ...

I just realized 2: It probably takes even more courage to live amidst mediocrity with the cognizance that it is indeed mediocre.

You know what I mean? I realize there's millions of people out there who live the lives they do simply because they know no better and in their paradigm of the world, this is as good as it gets. I'm not talking about them.

I'm talking about the people who make choices and even when those choices turn out to be disappointments and life threatens to turn into a mediocre series of days and nights, still stick by their committments and don't run, simply because they have way too much integrity. I'm talking about them ..

Women (or men as the case may be) staying in marriages that didn't happen of their own accord, done to keep families happy (yeah, it happens..)
Employees stuck in mediocre jobs that they have no passion for, because they have families to support and cannot afford to rock the delicate boat that rests on the single income they bring in ..

If that isn't courage, what is?

*erm, yeah... in the battle of the thinking mind vs. sleepy body, the mind wins 1-0*

I just realized - 1

I'm exhausted. Really exhausted. My days have turned into an intangible + tangible nightmare. Tangibly, my shoulder (which takes very badly to stress, swells and becomes a literal pain in the back) hurts like mad and intangibly although I like what I do, I'm at most times possessed by this feeling of complete panic and uncertainty. And of inadequacy. Mostly inadequacy. And that's the worst for the kind of people who thrive on doing well at most things.

I just realized 1: People used to being good at most things have the urge to RUN when they encounter a situation that makes them feel like they're not doing their very best. They'd rather walk away themselves than mess it up any further or be asked to leave. Applies to work and relationships alike.

I want to run for the hills and not come back at all. I'm desperately waiting for December when the deadlines end and life begins. When I can come home ready to take on the evening - blog, run, read through scripts, listen to music, sing along, be an attentive listener over the phone with friends instead of hmming like an insensitive jerk and dozing off as they tell me about things important to them, cook and play host .. all of those things seem so distant with the 12 hour days and the sheer exhaustion in the evenings that leaves me with the will to do little more than flop into bed and fall asleep watching mindless TV ... YUCK! Who have I become!

Of course I won't. It's not that bad and I know its temporary. And that writing about it alleviates about 80% of the misery. Not the backache, but atleast the heartache of feeling like I suck at something!

*Falls asleep muttering "It'll pass .. it'll pass ..."*

How I met the perfect man, and lost him ...

Ok maybe I exaggerate a tad too much. It's an interesting story, nevertheless.

It highlights what a HUGE loser I am in the dating arena and why I probably need professional help. But so long as you get a laugh out of it, my self esteem can take a hike..(whatever little shall be left of it anyway)..right? I do after all, exist solely for your entertainment!

Cut to my last day in New York.

I'm put up in Mogambo's apartment in New Jersey. It's this awfully picturesque area named Pavonia-Newport and it's a bright sunny Sunday morning (even a sun hater like me is forced to qualify "sunny" with an adjective like "bright" when i'm freezing my ass off).

It's my last day in NJ and I'm determined to make the mostestest of it and so head out ahead of Mogambo and PuppyManohar (who are to accompany me to Central Park) to grab a coffee at the local Starbucks and take one last walk alone along the sunny riverside while listening to my current favorite playlist.

Stepping into Starbucks is as lovely as ever with the familiar whiff of fresh ground coffee that delights the olfactory senses, and not just for that.

Behind me in line I've just spotted a very interesting looking guy. Somewhat geeky but mostly intelligent looking with glasses and ruffled hair to complete the look and the hint of a smile to lend that much-sought-after air of simplicity.

I'm just done ordering my coffee, when the girl behind the counter asks for my name. I take off the ear phones and give it to her, my name, that is. And hear the motion repeated with Mr Interesting standing right behind me. "A" he says, nonchalantly. The name instantly rings a bell. Where have I heard it before? Wait! I know! This is the friend Mogambo and Superman kept mentioning - the Newport residing, Rasam and Sepankazhanga cooking boy "A"!!! I look back at him and ask in my most neutral voice, trying not to seem too interested ...

Unpred: Couldn't help hearing your name ....Do you by any chance know a certain Mogambo and Superman who live in the area?

A: (With uber-cool smile still intact) Ummm.... I don't think so ...

Unpred: Ah well... they kept mentioning an A who lives in the area...thought maybe you were him ... sorry bout that!

A: (Smile still on!) That's ok .. there's probably many A's around here

Unpred: I'm sure there are :-) ...

You'd imagine with all my 'smart alec'ness I'd have done something that demonstrated the slightest hint of intelligence/ presence of mind/ courage/ common sense/ any other admirable quality in the vicinity. Alas.

I plugged back my earphones into my ears, picked up my coffee and walked out the door into the New Jersey sunshine to take my solitary walk along the river side.

Yes, I'm just that stupid.

No, I didn't turn around.

Yes, the trio of friends pulled out hair and looked aghast at my utter stupidity.

No, they don't sympathize.

Yes, I tried arguing that he might be non single, even have a wife and a kid.

No, I still don't score any pity points, just continue to get incredulous looks at my pessimism (I call it pragmatism, but try explaining that to lesser mortals! Pah!)

Yes, they looked for him. Mogambo even kept up a steady chant of his name, calling out "A?" .. "A?" ... at the Path station, on the streets, at every floor of the building that the lift stopped at, even dragged me back to the Starbucks while keeping up the chant and shoving me into every nook asking me to run an identity check.

No we still didn't find him and eventually gave up.

Yes I know he's probably an ordinary person who has been deified purely based on elusiveness. But don't shatter my dream eh!

Yes, "Sigh" is very appropriate. "Alas" works too.

P.s: If you know someone by the name of "A" who has a similar story to tell about a stupid girl who ordered a Caramel Apple Spice Latte and ran off with earphones plugged into her ears, you know who to contact!

P.p.s: PuppyManohar - don't even think about it. I'll know if its you using a fake id! Don't ask how. I'll just know!

How to save a life ....

My latest addiction. Spent 7 hours on flight back from NY watching 10 episodes back to back. And then went back to episode 1. Yeah, I'm mad that way.

Watch the video. And read the lyrics if you feel like. You'll appreciate them if you're meant to. :-)

Day 1 in NY - The NY Treasure Hunt

Literally, that's what Day 1 was all about. Apart from some very touching yet very serious embarrassment at the airport, that is!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Before I start, I have to do one quick round of intros to the characters i've already rudely mentioned earlier without an introduction, coz they'll keep coming up in future mentions over the next 7 days :)

Superman:

Called so simply coz his Halloween costume was to be Red cape + Red chaddi outside bluee pants ala the famed Superhero. (Sadly that Halloween bit didn't quite work out for time constraints and we went as ourselves, yes, scary enough anyway).

Mogambo:

Called so cause she doesn't like to sign off with her real name on her comments to my blogs. Also is one 'orre happy most of the time in her own world" kinda individual, which then becomes conducive to the famous line from Mr India - "Mogambo, khush hua".

Mogambo and Superman are currently engaged to be married in March. Superman was introduced to me by a common friend, then his then girlfriend Mogambo bunked in my home for a week on her way to India from NY last year and suffice it to say, we hit it off :) Superman studies close to NY and Mogambo works here. Our once tenous acquaintance is now a cherished friendship, one of the best things to have happened in the last year :-)

PuppyManohar:

Mogambo's friend and ex flatmate from her post grad Univ. Called so coz he christened himself that through his own blog. Don't ask me why. I didn't ask either! Now lives in Virginia and bunks here on weekends with Superman and Mogambo. Nice boy with acutely sarcastic sense of humor. But nice boy nevertheless.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Coming back to day 1:

The NY treasure hunt was the ideal ideal way for a newcomer to get to know NY. So Mogambo signed the foursome up for this fun thing as Unpredictable's official introduction to NY.

The idea was to start off in a bar, get a list of clues and to do's and run around the city accomplishing them, before getting to the next bar which one can only identify if they get all the previous clues right. Then do a chill stop at the bar, do a round of drinks (on the sponsors if u win the round, else pls to pay for self) and continue on the next round. Winner of 2 of 3 rounds gets .. emm .. well .. the joy of victory itself and 2 rounds of free drinks :-)

The best part obviously was the 'to do" list which involved taking pictures of the team doing everything from 'invading a stranger's privacy' to 'getting a stranger to piggyback on one of you'.
Mogambo put SO much effort into taking these pics for this blog, I just hope the post lives up to her vision of how cool it would turn out to be. Most human headshots needed to be chopped off in the process (this intends to be an anonymous blog in case u didn't realize!) but not like you're missing much anyway!

Pitstop1: Kelly's bar where the hunt starts with ALL of 2 teams, including our own :D This is where the hunt begins ... our team of 2 boyses and 2 girlses vs the other team of ermm .. .2 girlses!

Eh, look! That's me pointing to the Kelly's signboard for your viewing pleasure :D

The to do's had us doing all the following:

1. Invading a stranger's privacy: Mogambo decided no better way to do this than to pick someone's nose. IEW i know! But not to worry, she only pretended, although knowing how passionate Superman and her were about winning, she'd have done it for real if needed.

Trivia: Turns out this lady is a state senator, her husband pointed it out to us as we walked away thanking her, and we came home and googled her to find out it was true. Mogambo has officially touched ... emm . .dug .. fame!!! (cant put up pic of senator and all ya!)

2. Getting a stranger to piggyback on you, spraying graffiti on a wall and doing a road crossing thing aka the beatles ...

3. Finding AND wearing sunglasses in the 6 pm darkness, taking a pic with a skull, find a man with a tie (on a hip NY street in the evening, gah!) and holding hands and making fish faces at complete strangers.

And at each bar, Mogambo would provide a status update on the win/ lose situation of our team.

Phew!!! That's the most pics ive ever put up here.. and the most edits to the pics!!! 2nd half of day 1 was spent eating Kathi rolls at this awesome joint and gulping them down in 2 mins to make it on time to Cafe Wha with its live band ... oh and wat a live band!!! Everyone was nice and happy and singy and dancy as the music got better and better and finally came to an end at 11.30 pm.

More adventures included a rather 'happy' me and PuppyManohar singing on our way back much to the amusement of MS, my batchmate from engineering who hasn't seen me in like 4 years now and didn't quite expect to see what he saw :D (lets just say i was a VERY different person 4 years ago!)

We finally ran out of hindi songs to sing and resorted to singing slisha early type Xmas carols on the subway as co passengers looked on with amused expressions. Apparently we also called Penguin and told her we love and miss her. This I have very little recollection of, but Penguin, I hope this tells you how much we do miss you :)

And that's how my 1st brilliant evening in NY came to a rather musical happy end :D

Coming up ... Day 2 ... in the next post .. for now i need to head out and meet Ma'am Liberty and see the famous Ellis Island where Mr Will "Hitch" Smith took Ms. Eva Mendes out on their very 1st date in the movie. :-)

Adios!

More New York .. what else?

So day 1 2 and 3 have gone past in a flurry of activity ... every moment was savored, breath held at the right moments, delight expressed at others, and most captured through the lens of Mogambo's brilliant camera.

(Note on cameras: A camera is like a good partner, it needs to make you look good, everything around you look good and make you feel worthwhile in your abilities to capture all of this beauty. Mine didn't. Forget good, every shaky snap indicates an earthquake in the vicinity. Amma, don't panic. It's just an analogy. No earthquakes, I promise! Anyway, for being such a bad boyfriend, I ceremoniously dumped my Nikon Coolpix back home and am having a very fulfilling affair with Mogambo's Casio Exilim. Life is indeed good!)

And yes, I know its 5.30 am in the morning here in NY, but I dozed off at 6.45 pm last evening after a LONG day outside and woke up to dinner at 10 and slept back off ... so at 4.30 am this morning my eyes opened (literally, not figuratively as in "meri aankhen khul gayeen") and I did the only logical thing a madwoman can do that early in the morning. Started to blog.

I'll follow this up with 3 posts, day 1, 2 and 3 and I promise not to launch into sundry details .. will keep you engaged with more pics and less of my gibberish.

(Ok FINE, I'll try! Get that disbelieving look off ya face!)

Comin up .. Day 1

New York New York!!!

So I land at JFK this morning after a 17 hour flight journey - without inflight entertainment might I add. Apparently the "problem was beyond the control of the air crew and would need ground staff help to fix" but we were thanked profusely for our kind understanding (we didn't bother clarifying it was more like simmering anger, so they went on to assume it was OK to let us sit and ROT for 17 hours with not much to do but sleep and eat).

If it wasn't for how sweet and couteous the TG staff is, I'd be sending them hate mail right now. But having grown to enjoy my own company as much as I do, and with Jen Cox's 'Around the world in 80 dates', 17 hours practically breezed past and we finally landed at JFK.

Here's what makes a trip mostest special. Someone who lovingly comes to the airport to pick you up, although they know you could manage just fine on your own. I tried insisting to Mogambo and Superman that I'd be just fine, and could they pls not wake up insanely early in the morning to pick me up? But turn up they did, with their friend Mr PuppyManohar who brought his new car to pick up (and show off to?) the new girl :P

I do believe, however, that Mogambo had some dark intentions which involved embarrassing the crap out of me, that were her key motivation to turning up at the airport. Look here, who does this to a friend huh?

Superman putting shawl on me as part of official welcome ceremony. It doesn't stop here, Mogambo proceeds to put a 'haar' (neck adornment traditionally used to signify a warm welcome, usually for shady politicians in India as they inaugrate functions and step off flights) around my neck cause you see, the shawl just doesn't count as embarrassment enough!

Pls to see purple color beaded thingie around my neck. The pic doesn't capture the amused expressions of passengers in the vicinity, just as well for me I think! Enough for a day!

On a serious note, I feel so welcome and wonderful despite this being my 1st ever visit to the USA, all thanks to this lovely couple and Mr Puppy Manohar who insists I brought the cold along (its been windy and super cold since this morning suddenly!). Am so so glad I know them, and super kicked to start off on my NY adventures for the day :)

Thanks for your comments so far. Penguin and V thanks for ur concerned msgs :-) I'll keep writing and uploading pics, and any bloggers in the Jersey area who'd like to meet up, do drop me a mail on the blogger mail id and we'll work out something if possible in the 10 days that i'm here :-)

We're off to lunch and then pub crawling on a New York treasure hunt, then dinner and drinks with this gang + Mr MS from my engineering batch, pretty much the only one ive been in touch with ... Looking forward to a chilly yet eventful evening here in NY with lots of dance, daaroo and dhamaal :D

Until the next post ... cheers!

Adios!!!!

Hello everyone! Here I am at the airport free internet counter (what kinda obsessive maniac am I you wonder eh?) writing in the last post for the next 24 hours :) I've left the lappie at home and won't see it for a good TEN days!!! :O But connectivity will still continue with Mogambo's lappie coming to my rescue :)

Still unable to shake off the feeling that I've forgotten something, but that's normal so I'll just ignore it! I'm done checking in and thrilled to report they gave me an aisle seat. Bleddy if it turns out to be one of those terrible seats with a half box in front of my foot in the seat ahead, ill kick someone. (OR ill solpa adjust as barking dogs usually do - but ull never know will ya! ). And in 24 hours, will set foot in New York :-)

I'll post right after I land. Until then, take care, keep posting blogs, comments and the like. I won't be any less of an obsessive blog reader in NY so pls to oblige all my wonnderphool bloggy friends! :D

Adios ya all! NY .. here I come! :D

Status quo

- Searing numbing pain in the hand extending to the shoulder, then neck. OR Searing, numbing pain in the neck, extending to the shoulder then hand. Not sure which.

- Leaving for my annual trip tomorrow. Will continue to blog and upload pics from Mogambo's lappie as I spend the next week and a half in a new city. My 1st ever ALONE trip. Not that i'll be alone alone considering im staying there with M'bo in her house. Still all planning has been done alone with no one to coordinate with - visa, tickets etc. And most touring, travelling within the city etc will be done alone while M'bo is at work.
Very looking forward to seeing fall colors for the 1st time in my life :D Very. VERY!

- Have shitloads to do before then. Workwise I mean. 2nd big project for the year to be done by end November and 1st draft to be shared tomorrow. My brilliant epiphany took some time coming. But its here finally. So a night out it shall be and a ready I shall hopefully be tomorrow morning.

- Still have last minute packing. Books to be picked up from penguin. Last minute check on docs. Warm clothes. Fancy clothes. Essential clothes. Clothes in general .. you get the drift :-) Thankfully can afford to forget the likes of shampoo and toothpaste. Visting a woman is SO awesome :)

Will put up one last post before I fly out tomorrow. And with that my bye byes. And a call to blogger friends in that part of the world to meet up if they'd like :)

And then I'll be on my Jet plane :-) Good night till then!

More questions ...

Are most of us destined to go through utter and total shit before we can attain what's most important to us? Or is it that the things that are toughest to attain end up feeling like the most important just coz they're unattainable?

Do you realize that you can only have somebody's heart and soul if you welcome their sadness just as much as you love their happiness? I hope you understand that when you didn't hear about their pain, it wasn't coz the pain wasn't there, it was coz YOU weren't really there ...

Does karma work within specific spheres of life - like if I help you progress in your career, it'll come back to me only as progress in mine, or could it possibly come back in any other form? Is there even Karma or am I deluding myself? (Though like S once told me, knowing it doesn't exist wouldn't in any way change who we are and what we do, I do hope that's true)

Deciding not to feel angry at someone takes a whole lot of will power. It took less will to stay up nights and study while fighting the monster called sleep, less will than to put up with inanity and malice with tolerance. How does one let go and not let anger find its target? Does the balloon trick really work?

At the end of the day, all said and done, all ties and relations considered, we come alone and go alone right? Then why is it that the things we get most worked up about are related to the people in our lives? Love, death, happiness, illness, pride and jealousy and their kin ...

With the 7 basic notes and their high and lower pitch variants put together, would you have imagined there's enough permutations and combinations to make unrepetitive music for eons to come? So when you and I are born again, not only can we hear Rafi, the Beatles and Pink Floyd, there'll be a gazillion other tunes to keep the mind dazed and ecstatic. Imagine :D Can't wait to be born again, can ya? Join the club! :-)

If you knew this was the last day of your life, what would you do? Who would you call? Apologies, expressions of love unexpressed before, confessions to clear your conscience, new places to visit, old friends to catch up with ... what else would be on the list? Why then are you on that couch watching TV and pushing the little gnawing to do's inside your mind further back into your mind, when you could be LIVING your life right now, exactly the way u'd always dreamt, with the people you'd dreamt you'd live it with? What on earth is important enough to be holding you back?

Why, why, why am I such a curious child, Dear God? Do you realize there's people I've driven up the wall with this habit? People I've driven away? People I'd have liked to have in my life but couldn't hold to my thread of questioning? Did you have a plan with this way you made me? Now's your chance to reveal it, if ever. I'm waiting for the proverbial 'light', kindly note.

Time for some more awarding :)

Its been a few days since Mahogany sent this my way. Time now to stand up take a bow, say thanks to him and everyone else who visits here making me a legit 'schmooze'r coz in Mahogany's words, here's how schmooze is explained...

"With a little help from Google I traced the origin of the Power-of-Schmooze award to Miguel. He's an artist/cartoonist/blogger who lives in New York state. He created the award to recognize bloggers who got noticed, built a reputation, and made new friends."

He does go on to say some rather kind things about my blog, for that and for this award, a BIG THANKS Mahogany!!! I'm touched beyond belief, and true to my word, am finally here to pass this on to the people I think deserve the title in turn. :-)

I pass this award on to those people who started out with blogs read by friends/ family and the like, but have made newer friends amongst their visitors/readers in the blog world. (THAT's what I've always loved most about blogging, award or no award) and these bloggers do it effortlessly :-)

Kusum and Chandni: For so many of the people who visit your blog with increasing regularity and frequency (yours truly being one of them) without so much as knowing you, i admire how you write and how it enables the connections you've made with complete strangers :-)

Broom: I don't know if its the nature of your stories or the way you write them, but you're a true blue schmoozer for the kind of support you've invoked amongst so many strangers :-)

Penguin: Ahem. Let me not go into the 'connections' you've been making on the blogworld. On a serious note though, I think your blog has tremendous schmooze potential tomorrow, despite its infancy today. :-)

With these people, its never the same set of friends/ visitors who love the stories, its a world beyond, and I'm happy to be part of that world :)

Here's to you guys, schmooze on! :D And while you're at it, pass it along!

I'm reeling ..

Not from the bump on the head, no! That's fine now and after having whined to Penguin last night about how i'm scared I might not wake up in the morning (yeah, they don't call me Drama Queen for nothing!) the head hasn't bothered me so far. Looks like I will live after all.

[Side note: A very trusted friend who's fantastic with seeing the future and all told me I'd die when my life was fairly precious to me. I did visit the thought yesterday for one bit to evaluate if my current life state would qualify. Answer was nope! :-) Another thing that gave me confidence I wouldn't drop dead overnight :D ]

I AM reeling however, from this stupid Neoearth thing I've subscribed to. (Btw, why the hell is my sidebar suddenly at the bottom of the page? Some geek type software whiz help!!! No, I don't qualify!)

Anyway, this earth thing keeps moving and by the time I track which exact city/ country the yellow dot coincides with, its gone. I've been trying for a while to place some locations and have consequently acquired a headache and some giddiness (no delight there!). Need to change this to normal neoearth soon. For now, I run to the airport to drop off mom who leaves for India in 20 mins.

Until then, go look at the neoearth counter and share in the giddy feeling, will ya?

As if I wasn't crazy enough already...

S and I were cleaning out the team shelves this morning coz we're moving to a different floor next week. Super-Klutz that I am, I hit my head hard againt a jutting open door of the top shelf as I stood up after picking up something. Its not a deep gash, just a scratch with very little bleeding that stopped soon after. But it left a bump and some notions of nausea. And perhaps tampered with my already demented mind.

You would imagine THAT if nothing else would get me some sympathy from my wonderful friends. Ahem. Not quite.

Excerpts from remarks made by same wonderful friends:
N: (responding to my statement that I hit my head against a shelf and it bled). Whoa! I didn't know shelves at P&G bleed! Strong woman!

R: (in response to me pointing to the bump on my head) Teeheee! You're like Tom and Jerry with those bumps on their heads that jut out like 'POING' (makes the poing sound for added effect). Now all we need to do is hammer it back in like Jerry does to Tom.

Sigh.

In the spirit of leveraging the situation AND getting my revenge, can I claim temporary insanity for physical injuries inflicted on others, just for today?

Boulevard of broken dreams

For best effect, hear as you read
==========================================================
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's only me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
===============================================================
Brilliant no? How do people write like this? AND then make music of it!

Lose control? Not really!

The only thing I hate more than (insert the thing I hate most here, Im not sure yet what / who this is) is relinquishing control. Relinquish is such a nice word no? It actually manages to potray the illusion of being in control of the 'giving up of control' process! Who am I kidding. I hate losing control. (Yes, yes, new kids on the block, that's what they call a control freak, no need to wonder!)

My most loved area of work within my functional responsibilities is something I'll call S for the sake of keeping P&G's work anonymity intact. S is the kind of work that involves everything I like doing - working closely with consumer related data, getting into analytics like factor analysis and making sense of consumer choices. All my love goes for a huge toss however, when i have to outsource this piece of work to someone else.

To have them run it through an obscure software where I can only see the input and output and not the internal system , then to depend on THEM for every single follow up question to be answered when i could easily have proved/ disproved the hypothesis myself if it had only been a software that wasn't so friggin exclusive in nature, and then to WAIT until they get back to me to form a new set of questions. GAH!

(As you can observe - Move on F&*%, GAH is here to stay.)

OMG

Its what 7.15 am? Yeah. 7.15 am! I've been awake since 6 am i think. Rattling doors and a switch being turned ON and OFF, ON and OFF (what WAS that anyway?) have kept me awake and blessed me with the chance to start pondering life (and if i would be able to sleep again) since early this morning.

Oh yeah, long day at work yest and then the usual entertaining in the evening. I just thank N and S for taking the pressure off me - the pressure of hosting and pleasant conversation, you know what I mean?

I'm so tired. Seriously. Why does it feel like SO MUCH TROUBLE to host? I'm sick of hearing the criticism and the comments on EVERY SINGLE THING. I woke up berating myself for the limited patience and that i'd make up for it in the next 3 days. Hah! Fat chance!

I'f you're planning tell me to chill / relax, please to take the advice and shove it up you know where. You have to be in my shoes to even begin to understand.

There's SO much to say I don't know where to start. So I won't. (Deep breath, deep breath and let it all out in one big GAH!)

GAH

GAH GAH and more GAH.

i type the foll with my left hand coz ... oh do you REALLY wanna hear the whining again about the hurting right one? ... and the of the 2 ppl id really want to talk to, 1 just fell asleep and the other seemingly hasnt woken up.

So i dont hinge a lot on the men in my life, but WHERE ARE THE WOMEN WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST???

And my dormant vile temper has to make its appearance just when i have guests visiting.

:(((( :'(((((( :(((((((

GAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Insights into the hurting hand...

I write this post with a speed I would normally say "Thooo" to. This unexpected, yet necessary action follows from R's brilliant theory on why my hands hurt so much at the end of every week.

Conversation in bus on way home:
Me: *Having complained ALL evening of heightened pain in the hand* The pain is throbbing in a very scary kinda way. I'm quite scared :-(

R: What did doc say?

Me: See *this* nerve leading from the forearm to elbow? Doc said I've angered it.

R: Angered as in can only be appeased by dancing around bonfire on a full moon night?

Me: Angered as in .. (oh forget it... not getting any real sympathy from this boy!)

R: Ok ok ... don't get all angry ... let me think ...*looks out of bus with intense pondering expression on face while I'm contemplating how life without blogging will look*

R: I know what it is!

Me: What what is?

R: The anger.

Me: !!!!

R: You know what your problem is?

Me: That you change topics effortlessly and confuse the crap outta me on a Friday night?

R: *Sighing at my inability to grasp profundity of his wisdom and the seemingly apparent logical linkage between his random sounding statements*

R: Your problem is - you type as fast as you think

*Lets me munch over this for a while*

Me: *not making any progress on the logical linkage as you can very well see. He must have seen it too*

R: The problem *implied "You poor naive ingorant Unpred" to be inserted here* is not that you type a LOT, its that you type too FAST.

Me: *implied "Oh wise master" to be inserted here* And how do you conclude that?

R: *Now wearing full on professor expression* See my hand *mimics typing motions with his hand* See how the movement of the thumb affects that nerve, so when your movement here is really fast *speed of mimicing motions assumes alarming speed* the nerve is seriously pissed. Hence it hurts. Net recommendation: Don't stop blogging. Just stop typing FAST. Its quite stupid. *For added effect so the advice sinks in*

Me: *All sorts of Graham Bell devices going ON inside my brain* OHHHH. YAY! Ok i'll try tomorrow then. This typing slow thing.

R: *Full givvvvuuuup happening* Can't you NOT blog for 2 days? Just stay away from the laptop OK? Or i'll take it home with me.

Me: Gasp! *Sulking and on cusp of whining* FINE. I promise. I won't blog over weekend. Promise. Just don't take it away from me ok? *Sad pleading expression on face*

R: Good. Very good. Go entertain your mom over the weekend and REST the hand!

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Before you say anything, give me SOME credit, atleast i'm breaking my promise SLOWLY. :D