No one's sick round here ...

... so don't ask why I'm cooking Khichdi, like this co worker asked when I told her I plan to make this Gujju food thing tonight. Khichdi's also made when you get home really late from a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg day at work, cause it's quick and simple.

Once I started, I figured might as well go the whole hog, and so ended up cooking Khatti Aloo (potatoes cooked in tamarind gravy so they have this awesome sourish aftertaste) and all.

Here, take, I really don't have the energy or enthusiasm to write more tonight. It's been a long day. Did I just say that?

What kind of person are you at work?

Are you the kind who's intensely conscious of what people think of you?

Are you the kind who's afraid to be seen relaxing coz you think it might reflect on you professionally?

Are you honest about your cynicism on certain issues? Even with those junior people considered 'impressionable'? Esp. with those you play boss to?

Do you suck up? Or delude yourself into believing that agreeing to everything the boss says = leveraging on their rich experience, even if you disagree? (we still call that sucking up, you know no?)

Are you afraid to refuse to do things you're asked to do when you don't see the value in them? Afraid people will think you are incapable vs. unwilling?

How much of yourself have you changed ever since you started out at this job? How much of that is good change?

Have you stopped questioning while you were once curious? Stopped wondering about the right thing to do, when you once challenged directives?

Does it just feel easier to go with the flow and let it be management's call instead of belaboring your point and convincing them, turning the tide? Do you find that tedious? Or refreshing?

Do you cringe when someone tells you "my boss thinks...." and make that their primary argument when they're getting paid good money to use their brain to conjure up arguments of their own?

Do you LOL secretly when you hear this clueless person who has no solid facts to cite and so prefixes big adjectives to their nouns when they do public speeches? Like "This initiative will REALLY step-change the future of this business..."...do you?

Does it kill you to see grown up folks shedding every ounce of integrity and changing stance each time the big boss disagrees? Omg, are you one of them?

Do you also lament seeing bright young people who were hired for their "fresh perspective" so easily giving up independent thought process to blend in and feel more accepted?

Do you like the people you work with? Would you get through a whole meal with them and enjoy yourself even? Look forward to being around them socially? Do you feel like they're people you can trust?

Do you see people around you with oodles of potential, all smothered by the opinions of the person they work under?

Do you include in your conversations that quiet girl who always takes the corner seat at dinners/ lunches and doesn't say much ? Do you notice her at all?

Do you treat others with respect and in turn earn some for yourself? Do you command it or demand it?

What kind of person are you at work?

Koftas!!!!

We made Paneer koftas!!!

(AR called me all sorts of complimentary things when I hmmed about the idea of making koftas over communicator, that I had to invite him over to help me make them and eat them.)

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves ok? OK.

The gravy without the koftas ..



And WITH ...

They tasted incredibly good btw. Just as good (probably better than!) as they look!

That's the 2nd of 10 new things for the year down, btw! (The 1st was Gojju from Karnataka, rbbr?)

And you have a good night too!

Oohh..

Wat a yummy cabbage sabzi was made. Slurpppp!!! :D Such perfect amounts of salt and masalas and leaving on the gas until perfect green brown. And had with 3 day old Rasam (we don't waste food even if the person we live with cooks to feed an army) is just PURRFECT comfort food.

*I'm putting down cooking as one of my top 5 things to take mind off ..err... issues that threaten to make me rant. I know! I'd be a good person to live with!!!*

Also my mother is just the coolest uber nicest and sweetest human being ever. We just had this conversation and she just swept me off my feet with her attitude towards things. I want to give her one full standing ovation for being her.

*She won't really know I did, living in another country and all that. But enough to put the thought out here, no?*

Also AR gave us a belated birthday gift. And it was indeed a Wat A!!! Pottery set with full rotating base and air drying clay (not to be eaten - going by pack instructions. Dammit! When will they let me eat clay I ask!) and PAINTS. YAY!!! I have a weekend project. I'm going to make candle holders with the clay and all.

*Anyone know how air drying clay holds up to melting wax? Find out and tell me before I burn down the house? Thanks!*

And now I shall proceed to do some painting. So see, this friend and his colleagues recently succeeded in displaying Chinese letters on an LCD screen (I have cool friends like that, yeah!!!) and in keeping with my tradition of giving away badly (but lovingly, mind you!) painted objects as gifts to friends (coasters/ pen stands/ jewelery cases are the norm) I've wanted to give this one something nice as well. So I'm gonna paint his name in Chinese on a tee and gift it to him.

*No, it's never too late to be my friend. Yes, I love them all almost equally. Almost being the key word. :D*
**If N starts to rant about how I've never cleaned his room in the 5 years we've known each other so well, despite cleaning some other rooms in the same hostel and blah, just ignore him, ok? He's a ranter like that, that boy.**

Ok good night!

Bweh.

Is exactly how I feel most of the time now.

Life outside work is settling down to a state of same -old and I DON'T LIKE. I'm constantly thinking of what to do next to spice up things and make life meaningful, but as of now drawing one BIGGU sized blank.

Also, I'm sitting on the periphery of decisions that others are making about my life and trying hard to stay calm and peaceful ...

*breathes deeply, once... twice... thrice....

.....gives up and goes back to huffing*

As you can see, *that* isn't going too well at the moment.

What the F is with me and sitting quietly that will just not go together? Ok, I have to promise myself that I need to put something down on paper for the next 6 months on paper by this weekend. Else I'll go without sweets for all of next week.
(Shudder, Gasp, Shudder!!!)

And on that cheerful note, I say goodbye. Someone's about to break some top secret news to me. Why like this so much suspense and not knowing in MY life WONLY? WHY???!!!

For the sake of bloggish correctness...

You know how sometimes you just have to say this thing that's on your mind, no matter how late it is and how tired you are?

-------------------------------------------------------------------
When one writes a new ..ahem .. piece on their blog, it's called a new post, NOT a new blog.

Hence,

A blog: A distinct website with a distinct URL

A post: Every entry on the same website (aforementioned)

Net: Many posts do a blog maketh. Many blogs DO NOT a blog maketh (recursion is not a concept at work here)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Just needed to get that off my chest. Whew!!

Ok. Good night!!

Faith ...

Is simply a matter of staying fearless despite the absolute loss of control...

Fearlessness ...
...is a reality only when one can confront the idea of losing things that seemingly matter most to them and yet not flip completely at the thought of the worst possible outcomes. And when one can honestly say that the calm comes from being calm, and not from sitting and awaiting the storm.

Chandni wrote about faith some time back, and consequently I've revisited the notion - why I have faith and how much my sense of sanity depends on it. Faith exists in my life cause in situations where I really cannot influence the direction that a situation is taking, I need to believe that a larger force out there is managing my life when I'm not and that it will take me to a good place because of the good Karma I've accumulated. (Don't tell me how inane you find the notion of an educated person saying all this. Even if you're thinking it. You have your belief system and I have mine.)

My faith is hence tested to the hilt when put in a situation that I simply cannot control, and yet want to stay fearless through. When all I am is a passenger in the backseat. Not the person at the wheels. (There's only so much back seat driving even a usually control freakish me can indulge in.) My destiny is tied to another's. It's a notion that would normally leave me feeling frustrated and helpless.

But once I manage to honestly internalize the notion of faith, I think I can actually find it in me to sit back and relax, perhaps even enjoy the ride with the bumps and potholes, without so much as blinking. Much less freaking out or palpitating at the thought of the worst case scenario. Just telling myself that even the worst cannot possibly be that bad.

I like. The feeling of fearlessness, that is.

Where do you get your faith from?

Have you ever?

Walked out of a movie hall right in the middle of a movie?

I've done it twice before (Khoya Khoya Chand & one slapstick I don't recall the name of). Yes, it reflects low levels of tolerance. (You really don't need proof to conclude that about me, my mother and close friends will tell you).

What I did not anticipate was walking out on an Aziz Mirza movie without even making it to the intermission. Kismat Connection could *NOT* have been more disappointing.

I blame Jaane Tu for setting too high a bar in an enjoyable movie experience. Not a brilliant movie, not a masterpiece or a work of art. Just a movie where you could feel for the characters and *fall in love* vicariously. (When Jai, on noticing Aditi being kissed by the *other* man, freezes and lets go of Meghna, you understand, as he does, for the very 1st time, exactly how he feels about her.)

But Shahid fell in love with Vidya Balan without so much as breezing past my heart, let alone touch it.

No spark.

No fireworks.

Zilch. It didn't even leave me curious as to what happens next. (Any wonder I calmly walked out?)

You'd expect better of 2 reasonably good actors and the director who gave us Yes Boss and Raju ban gaya Gentleman, yes?

Perhaps *not*, as is amply proven when you watch the movie.

I suggest you go watch Jaane Tu a 2nd time instead.

I plan to.

Will she ever retire?

My mother, ladies and gentlemen, aged 54, in a job that leaves her with little time for herself on weekdays and a family that eats up most of the rest on weekends has gone and enrolled herself for a Diploma in HRM (Human Resource Management) through correspondence.

Base goal is to take 2 exams this year (Dec 2008, Jun 2009) with 5 subjects each with whatever little time life has to offer.

Stretch goal is to attend classes when possible (close to where we live, thank God).

You'd have to conclude - either my mother is a woman who sees the world as limitless OR I'm putting her through so much anguish with how I live my life that this was the only way she could distract herself from daughter-imposed misery.

I sincerely hope it's the former.

Kudos to her either way!

Coz I had a bad day ...

There's a weight sitting on my shoulders today. It's the sum total of many little things gnawing at me and pulling me down.

Some jet lag.

Some sadness at the vacation being over.

Some at situations that were within my control but that I messed up anyway. Some of them affect me. That's OK, really. Some of them affect others. That's pissing me off.

Some at situations that really aren't in my control but whose ensuing poor outcome extends its shadow to people I love, and is unfair to them.

Some of it is an oncoming cold and a pain in the throat (not neck, surprisingly, after all that literal baggage I put my shoulders through on this trip) and a feeling that I'm about to fall sick - for like the 11th time this year.
(Mom, if you're reading this, I'm exaggerating. It's more like the 3rd time. Also don't call me about that email I wrote you this morning, I don't know how to talk about it. Yes I'm a coward.)

Some of it is my tummy reorienting itself to the Asian food clock, mostly kicking and screaming.


I refuse to succumb to an UGH day like this. Know what I'll do? Something I've wanted to for 2 weeks now - watch Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. :-)

Yes, I'm shallow like that. Atleast i'll sleep happy.

What do you do to unblue a bad day, say?

2 milestones in 1 ...

This is the 250th post.
And, last Sunday was the 27th birthday Ms. Tic celebrated.

All else is good and lovely and wonderful in the US of A.

San Fran is in close contest with NYC for my favorite city to live in. Brilliant weather, amazing people, and such awe inspiring natural beauty. Even the signature up down roads make you gape in wonder! Yosemite, the 17 mile drive, Carmel and Monterey bay, the bay cruise, the coit tower (heheh funny name that!), wine tasting and walking through Fisherman's Wharf with old friend T and staying over and being all girly and chatty with Mogambo's friend M who hosted us in her house - was all incredible!

LA was nice, but mostly cause I saw it through the eyes of those who made it home for some time and have memories to cherish there. Don't think I'd want to live there. Not really. No.

NY is still as lovely as ever. Central Park and one show of Rent + the mandatory attendance at Cafe Wha is all we had time for.
NY, btw, is also where the birthday was ushered in. Penguin and Mogambo sang and PuppyManohar played the guitar as we all bit into yummy mousse cakes. Nice. Very nice. :-)

So far gifts count is as follows: 1 hair dryer, 1 surprise spa package, 1 set of rattling somethings - perhaps to provide a semblance of melody to my own singing, 2 sets of lovely flowers and 1 Tommy Girl perfume. Call me materialistic - but I love love love gifts. Just the joy of opening wrapping paper makes me delirous. Even if what's inside is one eclair. No really!

{I'll be one of those people who on my wedding invitation will say "Bring gifts, but please wrap up nicely, and oh! I don't want the thoughtless idols and photo frames that you're about to give me as a formality. A nicely wrapped bar of chocolate will do instead. If reading this makes you not want to come to my wedding, then please let me know so food doesn't go to waste. K thanks!"}

And now the Boston leg of the trip remains before i get on that flight (kicking, screaming and protesting that I want to stay here please!!) and get back home to Singapore.

Until then, here's wishing the blog and myself a happy birthday. Happy indeed! :D