Let me confess, weekends with nothing to do but sack around and laze off the week's flurry of work usualy result in me and S sitting to talk about everything from the most inane to the most relevant subjects of our time.
One of our favorites as 2 women living single lives in this house is obviously relationships. Mind you, thats relationships - NOT men! K came armed with ground breaking insights on men (which ill reserve for a later post after negotiating royalty terms with K) but S and I talk about relationships... and they always throw up these incredible questions which we usually take for granted, but are actually quite serious and can define one's happiness in life and in relationships.
So here's my list of popular questions .. with sneak peeks into my own answers ... Ive been trained well in writing with exit options so feel free to skip my answers, the questions are more important anyday!
But i'd love to hear from others, esp men (K biggest insight on men is they dont think, they dont like to think, it bothers them at a very basic level coz it takes effort, and so they keep themselves occupied playing sport, watching TV, working and sleeping but they DONT THINK about relationships).
Contrary to that, i've been spoilt rotten in my perceptions of men by the wonderful ones ive met in my own life, they've mostly been sensitive, patient and thoughtful people who love discussing anything under the sun. And since those are usually the ones who visit this blog it would be incredible to see if they've ever thought about these things ever!
Qn 1. Does it suffice that someone loves you or does it have to be for the right reasons?
AA1 (AA being Answer Attempt): Preferably for the right reasons. I'd be more comfortable knowing why someone says they love me and knowing that its a true perception of who I am, rather then them loving an illusion that i'm not. I'll be fair, its not always possible to know the "right reason", but broad principle is the love has to be rooted in someone you really are coz illusions are too temporary and can carry relationships only so far.
Context to Qn2: This one comes from the very factual interpretation that relationships will always have one person being more of the 'nurturer' and the other person being more of the 'recipient' of the nurturing. Scales of 'affection showered' will always be midly unbalanced and tilted heavier in favor of one party. (Oh get off ur high horses and quit telling me its cheap to think about relationships like that, everyone who gives something likes to get something in return, u can be unconditional most times, not ALL the time, so healthy balance is a desired end state like it or not!)
Qn 2. Would you rather be the one to love the other more? Or would you rather be the one loved more?
Do u want to be a Ms X who gets showered with tons and tons of attention and affection by her doting husband and basks in the sunshine that is his love? Or would you rather be a Ms Y i know who wouldn't want to be the recepient of so much adoration (coz it would make her feel too pursued and lose interest in the guy)! Do u wanna be a Mr Z who loves suprising his women and doing wonderful things for them and doesnt mind if they'd like to bask in it? Or would you rather be a Mr Q who is neither interested in giving nor receiving affection and regards all this as unnecessary waste of people's time and energy (and would probably like a woman who understands that)?
AA2: Id yearn for one where there's above average displays of affection from both ends (and yes thats different from PDA!!!) and really wouldn't mind being the one to do more of the showering affection, its just that im such a mom to most of my friends that i get spent taking care of others, and hence being taken care of at the end of the day and some good ol pampering (material or verbal) every once in a while while i continue to put in the sustaining tarps on affection is my idea of complete bliss :-)
Lemme clarify at the outset, we're not judging any of the above behaviours, heck, some of those could be us! Question is, do other people think about this before they walk into relationships? Or are me and Shals plain nuts indulging in what the thought abhorers would call 'intellectual overload'? And if we aren't quite nuts, then what are ur respective takes on this question?
And that's the primary questions i had for the day. Really looking fwd to reading ppls views on these, and yes ive called out to the men more specifically but i hope that doesnt stop the women of the world from responding!