So, what kind of day is it today?
Pretty much the same kind its been for a while now. The sky clears up every once in a bit, lulling me into a false sense of optimism and security. Every once in a while, the sun shines out and spreads light. Just as im starting to feel better about everything, one cloud, then another, then another and then many many more creep in turning the sky gray. Slowly, im forced to shut the doors and windows coz the drizzle turns into a storm. It becomes tough to meet anyone or talk to anyone. Its easier to just sit in and blog. Somehow being behind a screen makes me feel like i cannot be hurt or touched by anything.
Its the kind of day where i'd probably beg someone to give me something to do... coz i can't get around to doing anything myself. Nothing is interesting and nothing seems like it will help - except venting like this. Which is fairly sad considering how many wonderful people there are in my life, but even by Singapore standards its too early on a Sunday to wake up anyone, even Nayak who's drunk and fast asleep completely oblivious to the sun having risen above him. There's also this thing about dealing with demons oneself right? So ive always hoped to be able to do that, confront my demons, find the courage to stand up to them and make them go away. But as courageous as i seem on the outside (scary even, to most who dont know me), my cowardice is sometimes apalling even to me. And yet, I'm simply going to ignore it like i always have and continue the meaningless existence where everything seems to be going from bad to worse. Little by little its all slipping away. I can feel it and yet i cant seem to find the energy to stop it. Phew. I'll be proactive another day, for today can i just be dark?