Monday, March 24, 2008

Chemistry anyone?

I wrote this 3 months ago, and sent it out by email to a select bunch of people. It's just the kind of thing that would invite too many "Is something up *wink wink*" kinda questions, you know?

But someone replied to it only today, and I was reminded of it, and how strongly I felt about it. And so I'm putting it up anyway.


I've cracked it, I think. That thing we call chemistry.

I think it has mostly to do with laughter.

When you think about it with all your heart, what really is it about someone else that makes you want to be with them for extended periods of time? Their ability to make you smile through everything, no?

Sounds awfully simple but there's another layer to it all. The fact that someone CAN make you smile is in itself already an important thing, it means you can appreciate the things that seem amusing/ interesting to them, there's already a bond there, but the more important thing is something that goes beyond their ability - it's intent.

No one needs to spend time putting a smile on your face, really - they don't. We all have better things to do with our lives than sit and wait for someone to laugh, much less TRY to make them smile or induce happiness.

But for this person to stay there, in conversation with you for hours and continue to put that smile on your face.. that level of INTENT .. that's something! For you to sit there and make them laugh in turn is icing on cake, the two rarely occur together, so when they do, it's sorry to have to let go of it.

Opinion could of course be divided on how sustainable this smile thing is. I mean people do stop at some point of time, the laughter does die out. But laughter, and subsequently the shared happiness is the best way to carve a place in someone else's heart, and it carves nice and deep so you make this long term space for yourself there. Know what i mean?

So even when the laughter is gone, you're still there. Of course, this is assuming the intent to keep someone in ur life and heart persists, assuming nothing else (another life away from them, another person, another interest?) replaces it and u keep them in.

But that's chemistry. It starts with the ability to smile with someone. I'm not saying it's the same as being able to love them - I'm just saying it's chemistry.


Penguin said...

Sigg. I thought I would yell at you later for not posting anything, and then you post this! Am not saying this is not nice (it is verry nice), BUT could you please write something new please? Thankyouverymuch. Yes, I'm a demanding bitch :-)

Gowri Krishnamurthy said...

Agree with you.. Bottomline in any relationship is compatibility and ability to see the other's point of view. That I call chemistry. Ofcourse, there's no fun without laughter and that's like the spine of every surviving relationship. There are some you can really 'connect' with and have that special conversation and that sharing of laughter and some others with whom no matter how much you can try, never achieve it, coz like you said while maybe superficially you claim to make the 'effort', the 'intent' is lacking.

The 'fun' element arising from the laughter, sharing a joke or two or spontaneity and liveliness in a relationship exists ONLY when there is a WANT to CONTiNUE with the relationship. Otherwise is wanes and causes the eventual weaning away of the parties involved.

The laughter part is true not just of 'intimate' opposite sex relationships but also of friendships. I mean everybody has problems in life. So in addition to being an agony aunt or wanting an agony aunt in the other, people also look for somebody who can share a lighter moment / shake a leg or two... That's the connect. A lot depends on similar 'lifestyles' or choice in future to be amenale to one partner's lifestyle, upbringing, personal prefereces etc and accoringly the 'Quality' of the 'Laughter' that's shared.

Good post

Gowri Krishnamurthy said...

Sorry, I took the liberty to comment on your blog and this is not the first time. I hope you don't mind it :)

Gowri Krishnamurthy said...

A couple of more points that I wanted to add on this (assuming ofcourse you wouldn't mind my continuing to post comments)-

(1) At the cost of stating the obvious, 'it takes two to clap' - for any two people to come tigether to have a good time together. So arises the necessity for 'mutual intent' and the willingness and want to create new and everlasting situations/ circumstances for sharing good and memorable times together that also become worthy of remniscing;

Mutual intent can for instance mean continuing to keep in touch or raising/ creating chances for frequent contact.

(2) Definitely laughter brings joy and that's Y we see grumpy people having fewer friends compared to their cheerful counterparts;

(3) Unless one has had a string of relationships that have gone sour, there's no need for doubting oneself. That's something I've come to realise from my own experiences. A stray incident here/ there with a person here/ there where one fails to keep the interest going be it friendship/ relationships , is a case not to feel inadequate abt but to reflect that perhaps the 'mutual intent' was not present and wasnot reiterated thereby fading away...even before things could get richer and riper...

Shoonyata said...

for me, chemistry is not just laughter
it is a glance that locks and races your heart beat
it is the shared meaning of words/events that connects one to a stranger
it is a touch which conveys more than warmth
yes, it is also the same spontaneuos smile one could create in another.


Still Searching said...

Sigh.. I wish chemistry was enough to bind people together...

Good analysis though!

nutty said...


It certainly does make an acquaintance beautiful! Dno if it qualifies as chemistry tho ... some sort of chemistry yes .. the electrifying looouuu kind of chemistry ... not quite:) there needs to be that indefinable something for that kind of chemistry :D

but your post did make me smile .. reminded me of someone I used to know too... n tho it was beautiful friendship unfortunately there was no chemistry there ...


Vish said...

Nice post :)

I feel certain emotions are so complex that they cannot be put in words, they have to be felt and the experience is bound to be different for each one of us. Chemistry is one such elusive word which has a lot of cliches attached to it whenever it is described.

Yeah this smile thing will be there for most of us, the mere thought of the person which brings on the smile and this you can feel inside out :)

unpredictable said...

Penguin: Sweetie, im kinda crunched for time these days .. you of all ppl shud understand no? :)

Gowri: WOW!!! That was long and no i don't mind at all!!! Thanks so much for taking the time to drop by :)

Shoonyata: Yes yes! All im saying is, it *STARTS* with smiles!

Still Searching: Yes ... maybe good housekeeping abilities, civic sense, sense of humor .. etc etc ... sigh the list is lonnnggg ...

Nutty: Alas!

Vish: :) Yes yes .. we know, don't we?!!

Unmana said...

How lovely. And true, to a great extent, at least. One of the most precious qualities in my Guy IS that he makes me smile... and laugh!

James Le B"r"ond said...

When it comes to making love, Physics = Chemistry or because the chemistry exists, the Physics is naturally working out.

What say?

Now yes as far as laughter goes, no matter how bad the joke is, if you can make him/her laugh...thats chemistry and one must notice that once that chemistry fades away, no matter how awesome the joke is, its just aint funny no more.

but thats just on a darker note.

unpredictable said...

Umana: :) Yes, something like that only :)

James Le B"r"ond: I sense innate sweetness behind that bitter exterior. You simply cannot convince me otherwise. :D