Thursday, May 29, 2008

Bollywood goes to hell....

What's happening to Bollywood? After I wrote this 6 months ago, I want to sit down and cry when I watch trailers on TV these days. Has anyone else noticed the BAD BAD BAD movies coming up in the next few months?

Wait. Let me list for you.

1. Khushboo: Lame looking movie. Both new actors. Both baddd looking and seemingly talentless. Adnan Sami sings nicea. But OH GOD the song "Badi albeli hai tu, gud ki meli hai tu" .. something with godaawwwwful dance steps will kill me before my achy hand or sensitive rhinal tract do!
Have you noticed how sometimes Javed Akhtar writes the inanest lyrics?? Why like that he does? Not for the money no? He's rich like that. Then why?

2. Mehbooba: Old looking Sanjay Dutt, tragic looking Ajay Devgan and Manisha Koirala who I fully despise from the bottom of my heart. Doing 80's style rain scenes, no less. Afzal Khan made this movie long ago and is hoping to recover costs, I think.
Wat, Afzal uncle? Like this a? By inflicting torture on us? Pah!

3. Haal - e - dil: 3 new kids. Same old seeming tripodish love story. Both boys look nice. Girl looks VERRRY bad and from the 3 shots of her face you can tell she can't act for nuts. The boys look like they just might be able to , but. Who will watch? WHO?

4. Woodstock Villa: Eh this is that girl from that "Love in Lovedale" story with Aftab Shivdasani. She couldn't act there, and I'm not sure her "Buy one dhoka, get one free" (Ik dhoka dee jeeye, dooja muft paaiye- Value for your money, dear Sir/ Ma'am) item number will save her pretty ass this time either.

5. Ghatotkach: Does anyone else find that repetitive "Mainnnnnnn hooooooooon Ghatotkhach, main duniya mein sabse nirala" tune irritating enough to want to throw something at the TV? I DO! I'm tired of seeing that little animatic kid jump out of his leafy bed and spring that song at me again and again and ettagain. Gah! STOP little kid! You're cute, but shuddup already!

6. Dashavataar: Who will watch this movie about the 10 avataars of Vishnu? Kids who need to be taught mythology? Our grandparents? Ok fine.

Then why is there one animated couple smooching in full view in this animated film?

Or was that Ghatotkach?

You see what I mean? It's all too confusing and undifferentiated and bah to even remember anymore!

7. Don Muthuswamy: DO NOT get me started on this one. Mithun is back (is anyone else asking why?) and apparently his idea of humor is kicking people on their butts. Literally. I'd understand if the butts belonged to hot girls. But that also no. Then why? And that horrendous tam accent borders on offensive, dude!
Dear Ashim Samanta (director uncle), why after this terrible trailor does your name appear in embossed gold frame as if you deserve to be applauded when all you deserve is a kick on *your* rear end?


So amidst all this, the only ones with a reasonable cast and seemingly decent production value are 'Jaane Tu, ya jaane na' (Jolllworthy boy), 'Love Story 2050' (Fine, I like Priyanka Chopra) and 'Thoda Pyaar, Thoda Magic' (a Mary Poppins remake, but it has Rani and Saif. So.)

Someone give me good news no. Like good movies coming up? Something. Anything.

7 comments:

S said...

LOL :) Feels as though I've seen all the trailers now!

What about 'Before the Rains'? I don't know if if it qualifies as new but it's supposed to be damn good, no? I wanna watch that one.

unpredictable said...

If you feel like you've seen them already, then my apologies for the torture inflicted. 'Before the rains'? - how come I haven't seen trailers!!! Are they deliberately showing only bad ones on MY TV???

Penguin said...

Can you believe that I really haven't seen the trailers of Haal-e-Dil and Don whatever?? Not that I miss them, but seriously, from being a trailer addict, I've gone to the other extreme of not watching!!! I need help - I'm turning into a different person!!

unpredictable said...

I think you're watching so much asian food channel that trailers are getting 2nd priority. Tis ok. You teach me recipes. I'll update you on bollywood. Symbiosis they call it. :D

Roy said...

My first comment on ur blog :)

But this is one of my fav topics, u see :) I too am not horribly impressed with the Bollywood line-up this year. Though, a few movies (apart from the ones u listed), which might be good:
1. Sarkar Raj (looks like Ramu's back in form)
2. Via Darjeeling
3. Kismat Konnection (my fav director, Aziz Mirza! :) )
4. Mission Istanbul (might just work as a good actioner ... not sure)
5. Singh is King
6. Bachna Ae Haseeno
7. Rock On
8. Drona (dunno ... might be good)
9. Chandni Chowk to China
10. Fashion (Madhur Bhandarkar)
11. Alladin (Sujoy Ghosh's new movie)
12. Dostana
13. Rab ne bana di jodi (SRK's year-end movie)
14. Imtiaz Ali's Saif-Deepika starrer

Hope this gives you some hope :)

unpredictable said...

Mr roy: How u know so much? :D Much most delight is cameing! :D

sfi said...

with regard to this post... u might be interested in knowing that the Hindustan Times Mumbai review of Don Muthuswamy made special mention of the "thunder thighs" (shudder!) of Mithunda

These days though, only the "made for multiplex" hindi movies really seem good... and u never really get to know about them in advance coz they're not big budget productions