Friday, October 17, 2008

Enough is enough..

I've had it up to *here* with flatmate issues, really.

One has to leave brown muddy foot prints all over the bathroom floor while another has to insult me to my face on my birthday and walk away. One has to lecture me on how I'm being done a favor with the immense advantage my living arrangement provides while another has to do an unanticipated turnaround from close friend to cold foe in a matter of minutes.

And for all that people say about how *scary* I am, not once have I had the courage to stand up to one of them and tell them they were being unfair or unkind, curt without reason or just plain weird.

We're usually like that. The bitches that bark but can't bite.

We holler and make ourselves heard in every work forum. We earn the titles that suggest harshness, cut throat attitude and a lack of heart. We're easy to judge and *figure* out. We're the ones who react instantly. Who lack tact ever so often.

And yet we'll put up with all kinds of crap from the people who don't deserve to be put up with. Instead of asking them to shut up and take a hike, or to behave like a polite and decent human being, we'll meekly listen, assuming that being a pushover in this situation is making up for being a bitch otherwise.

And with that last curt, bordering on polite email from my flattie, I was done. We've recently figured out a way to convey our feelings to one another without getting emotional. It's called email. I tell her to keep the dishes cleaned and at the corner of the kitchen. She asks me to leave my shoes neatly stacked outside the house. It keeps the emotion out of what can become a stupid emotional fight between 2 women. I appreciate it. That and the fact that she doesn't ever hold a grudge. It's a contrast vs. anything I've faced earlier.

And yet today I reached official breaking point. Our last few emails stayed civil, and yet the insinuations kept piling on. Each time I told myself to put up with it coz it's just a matter of some months until I move out, and I kept feeling worse about being such a pushover.

But today, I wrote off a 3 page letter telling her exactly how I felt. About how, sorry but, she was just wrong about somethings. Without getting emotional about a single thing.

The Penguin was SO proud of it. We almost decided to put it up here for how well it was written :) and then decided maybe it was too mean to do that. So we didn't. But I read my letter like 10 times. And felt good with every single read. For how, once in my life, I'd actually stood up to someone outside work without chickening out.

(No one at work will ever understand this part of me that carries guilt so easily. So I don't expect any cheers from them. But close friends know how I'll live with being miserable coz of things said to me by people and yet not say anything until I've reached breaking point. So if you feel like going all "haha, you? chicken?" then you're just not one of those people)

For now, I just wanted to put it out here. Ms. Tic stood up for herself. And she's a proud girl for it.


Fork Spoon Knife said...

I completely resonate with this post!!
Flatmate issues, using the email to communicate trying to avoid confrontation, giving too long a rope to people in your life who don't really deserve it almost until breaking point!

Glad you stood up for yourself! It is definitely easy to do that at work and so much more complicated outside!

Kudos girl! :) Hope things work out soon ...

unpredictable said...

FSK: Thanks ma :) I appreciate that vote of confidence. I do hope things work out. They have the potential to be better than ever or worse than ever. Either way, I want to be done with this housemate thing soon as my life allows it.

Mogambo said...

You know my story. I want to read the letter.

unpredictable said...

Mbo: Ok mine doesn't come close to your "you and me outside, right now!" story. But sent anyway.

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog couple of weeks ago and enjoyed reading it but now I realize you are a "whiner". Grow up girl and stop complaining - My tooth broke, maid stole milk, my flatmates are unfair etc, travel for work is boring.

Just get your own place and enjoy life to its fullest and please stop complaining. Life is too short to complain so enjoy it as much as you can.

Quirky Quill said...

Then maybe you just end up picking the wrong people to stay with! ( I know I did once!) but two of my former flat mates are now two of my closest friends.
I think your flatmate next year would be better :P

unpredictable said...

Anon: Penetrating insight into my current state of affairs. Thanks for dropping by. Didn't bother to leave a name with your comment, did you? :)

QQ: Indeed. I hope so too :) Actually I'm hoping the place I move to next is fun too ..

Ramya said...

Oh god!!! You have no clue how much I am like 'I get it' with this post!!!

I took so much shit from my flatmates lying down the last week at home (before I started travelling) that EVERYONE who knew me (childhood friends, family, even boyfriend) was shocked that someone who can be such a bitch was so scared of standing up for herself and worried about what my flatmates would think!

Finally, with a lot of encouragement, I sat down and spoke to them and stood up for myself. Unfortunately, it turned a little ugly after that. But I'm still so porud of myself, and so glad I managed to stand up for myself.

So this post - I really really get this post!

Next time though, I think I'll room by myself. I'm too much of a pushover in such situations to have a happy flatmate relationship.

unpredictable said...

Ramya: Gawd yeah ... the 3 people who knew about this situation were always like YOU? are getting shit from another woman? REALLY? which is when my barks but does not bite insight was reaffirmed :)

I wish I could live alone .. its my super ideal sitn .. i just cannot afford it with the travel aspirations i have for every year, loans to pay off etc ...

Prasad said...

Glad you stood up and you have every right to but me thinks direct confrontation is much better than email. Written records have a tendency to be read again and again and out of context. Days/months later, the non-emotional email would hurt (both parties) more than any intensely emotional confrontation could.