2 weeks ...

flew past in a flurry of crazy unproductive activity that yielded, unfortunately no returns. Workwise, anyway.

Thankfully, today I caught up with someone whose sanity always restores my faith in my company. The kind of person, who if he left his job, would leave a little less for me to aspire to in the years to come.

After my conversation today, I feel a little more convinced that the shit is temporary. That deep down somewhere, I do have passion for what I do. Even if it's not THE thing that will make my life meaningful and content, it IS the 2nd best thing. Maybe 3rd best.

Not worth giving up on, for now anyway.

That's a comforting thought, especially since I've been feeling utterly lost more often than not at work lately.

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1 big personal milestone was achieved that provides some sort of security blanket in case I lose my job (bladdy jinxer I am) or something equally drastic. So yay! And biggu thanks to the powers that be who made it happen. yayyayyay!!!
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My dreams are getting weirder and weirder. Last week I woke up in a state of panic after a dream where my parents tried to force me to take on P's surname. My parents, who don't particularly care what name I keep or leave, and know that force is the least likely way to convince me. Who later, when I told them about the dream, laughed like it was the funniest thing they'd heard all week. My mother went so far as to say "Maybe you really WANT to take on his name, and your subconscious is acting out".

Nice try, ma. Nice try.

My other dream had junta lounging around in my living room on the morning of my wedding. No one seemed in any particular hurry to make it to the Muhurtam. On trying to be the voice of sanity in the room, I was asked to "take a chill pill. the muhurtam isn't running away anywhere".

When we finally did make it to the venue, make up aunty could not be found. As I ran up and down a weirdly large hall looking for her, I bumped into P who had turned up looking like one proper tambi - in shorts and a white button down shirt. Grumpy as hell to boot. Not like I cared. My make up wasn't done yet, so I ran off to look for aunty.

I woke up in a state of panic both times wondering why I'm seeing all this least-likely-to-happen-nonsense in my dreams.
The next few weeks are bound to be rather interesting and I'd be lying if I said I'm not curious to knwo what my dreams have in store for me.

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Ooohhh also a new hire from work came over on Sunday to see the house. She's the latest candidate for non psycho women to take my room when I move out. She seemed sweet and sane and not at all scary. Only thing is she apparently has other options, and will let me know this week if she picks me or not.

I've never been good at doing parallel processing with my options. So while DM asks me to check around with my other options X, Y and Z, I cannot help but hesistate thinking that this constitutes cheating on new hire non psycho girl. Such misplaced sense of morality will get me absolutely nowhere, alas.

But it is how it is. So let's wait and see if she turns out to be the ONE.

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*start mush*

In other news, V's brother, the mystic wanderer was here from Vietnam over the weekend. Many chillings were done and many funs were had. I think he was delighted just to be able to speak in English and be understood without miming or wild gesturing.

His presence helped keep me distracted from a good deal of unknowns that would otherwise have made me pull out my lovely long hair out over the weekend.

Dear wanderer, I noticed that note you left on my table. Touched as I am, I should be the one to thank you, and not the other way round. The number of expletives I yelled on the phone on my way back from work on Friday might have multiplied over the weekend, had it not been for your distracting guestly presence. :)

*end of mush*
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Ok now dear reader/s. I need you to send me your bestest most positive vibes for *certain* things to work out over the next 1 month. Being Zen like and calm is all a good thing to aspire to, but it's not my natural state of being and the hard work of staying this way might make me lose all my lovely hair and go completely bald. And we don't want that, no?

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K I have an 8 am meeting tomorrow, so tata and bai for now. Sleep well, be good and err.... don't do drugs. Or caffeine. Etc.

Good night!

Murphy's Law

How do I begin to tell you how my seemingly productive, calm and normal day turned disastrous as the clock struck ?

Until 5 pm I was happily working away at my laptop, which although slightly injured (I don't know how it happened, but the laptop screen portion has literally snapped at the place where it joins the keyboard.) was still working fine.

At 7, my boss calls from the offsite in one corner of Singapore, and asks me to join them tomorrow so I can help out with some presentation scheduled for the evening. I wonder how to transport the laptop that cannot be closed anymore to this place, but say yes nevertheless.

At 7.50 pm, I decided to call D who has been indicating for a while now, that she'd like to move into my room in the current apartment when I move out in September, but has been pretty indecisive about it, leaving me frantic to figure out my other options (which includes calling about 20 people I know in the city and putting out the word that I'm looking for a non psycho woman to take over my room when I leave).

By 8 pm D basically confirms to me that she will move in and is OK with our terms and conditions etc etc. I'm happier than ever at the closure of such a big to do on my list, and in my happiness call my flatmate DM to tell her the news. DM is just around the corner and indicates that we can discuss the exciting progress as soon as she gets home in 10 mins. I can't wait, I'm SO excited! But wait, I do.

Tragedy 1

At 8 pm, my laptop starts acting weird and finally sighs and gives up. Screen goes blank and I can no longer see what I'm typing. Now the only way to shut it down is to physically press down on the relevant button. And I do that. End of computer.

Tragedy 2
Realizing instantly, this is the laptop I need for an 8 am meeting tomorrow with my super boss, who sits in Panama City, and whose number, alas, I don't have on me. To email him I need my computer. My computer, as shown above, is dead. Extreme fail has just happened.

Tragedy 3

Then I realized my own boss in Singapore expects me to be there with the same computer by 10 am tomorrow. And that's not going to happen (unless IT can transfer the info into a temp comp and give it to me tomorrow morning itself. Right. That's SO happening) which means I need to let her know there's a problem. Except the boss is busy with the offsite funs and isn't picking up her phone. The party will likely go on well into the night, and post that, calling her to say "boss. computer died. I may not be able to help with presentation tomorrow" might just be a career limiting move.

Tragedy 4

Remember D who called me a while back and confirmed she'd take over the room when I left?

D calls me, 10 mins after all this and tells me she doesn't want to move in after all. Now I really like her despite all this, so I won't go into details of why this was a massive pain.

But my contract says I need to continue paying rent in this house for 2 months after I leave if I cannot find anyone to replace me. It's only fair to the folks who continue to live here. But I'm now back in the market looking for non psycho girls. ARGH!!!!

Post all this DM, my flatmate, comes back home, makes the righ sympathetic noises and is kind enough to loan me her personal laptop for the night and tomorrow, so I can use webmail to let the boss and super boss know about the problem.

I'm actually going through with the 8 am call coz i have the req docs in my sent items on outlook. The rest is still a pain to manage, but DM's made it all a little better with her computer.

I can whine to P on chat about this, I can blog about it, and actually go through with one critical meeting tomorrow. Already writing about it makes it feel smaller, less messy and more manageable. I imagine it will all fall into place. Somehow.

I hope the morning brings with it an end to my spate of bad luck. Good night :-)

Indian Television Syndrome

1. You wake up in the middle of the night looking impeccable.
You're in your best sari and coordinated jewelery. Dark circles is a word unknown to your skin vocab. Your hair, oh your long dark hair is still straight, sometimes with little symmetrical waves at the very end.

2. You're a woman in one of 3 profiles:
(a) The innocent, very nubile, fair maiden loved by her parents, and ready to be married off to the handsome, richish person from a good khaandan. To become paraaya dhan only after kundlis have matched of course.
(b) The hardened housewife, facing angst in her new home. Keeping a brave face and sacrificing your own desires for the man you love/ his siblings/ your in laws. The glue that holds the khaandaan together in the face of the great calamities that befall the average Indian household on a daily basis. Later to turn into benign and benevolent mother in law to sample (a) above.
(c) The evil vixen type aunty whose eyes gleam with glee at the suffering she has managed to bring upon those she resents the most. Generally tends to wear heavier make up than (a) and (b).

3. Parampara (tradition) is very important to you:
What has been done for centuries is obviously the right thing for your precious household. The women are the bearers of the burden that is family honor. The men sit back, relax and eat the delicious food that is first served up by the mother, later by the gharelu wife. Women can work and all that, but only after they've done everything the in laws, siblings and other assorted relatives need. No compromises there.

Women will unequivocaly blend into the new family and like a pre programmed robot, forget about the family they lived with all these years, then proceed to autogenerate feelings of love for the in laws she only just met today.

Women will observe reeti rivaaz with utmost dedication - karva chauth for the long life of their husbands, adopt the family surname as their own and give the family *good news* within a year of the wedding.

If by any chance the woman in question cannot conceive, she will either be shunned to a life of misery and finger pointing or sent back to her parents home (much wailing and crying at this announcement).

Any arguments against the above, especially logical, will be countered with mentions of Indian Culture (TM). You will be led round and round with well rehearsed arguments such as this until you are too confused to remember what you're original point was. You will then be stuffed with lots of delicious food (after all, mehmaan is like bhagwaan) and sent home.


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I've watched too much Star Plus in the last 2 days and I'm reeling from the utter nonsense TV continues to spew in the name of entertainment. Really, it's depressing to see how channels are only regressing further into the past instead of encouraging people to pursue rational thought.

No wonder you still have single men on Star Vivaah (the TV version of shaadi.com) making demands for a pretty, fair, slim girl who will blend into their family and cook well while the women are asking for partners who will double up as friends and understand and support their careers. What a strange collision of expectations!

Is it just me, or were we better off in the 80's with television serials like Nukkad, Rajni and Byomkesh Bakshi?

If you knew you had a year (and no more) to live...

Would you still be doing the job you do today?

Would you still keep the grudges you hold against those you haven't yet forgiven?

Would you still visit your family as rarely as you do?

Would you still be comfortable with the figurative distance you and the sibling have developed over time?

Would you still be whining about the little things?

Would you still hold off on that phone call to the friend you haven't heard from in years?

Would you still be saving up enough money for when you can finally start doing what you know will make you truly happy?